7th Heaven
Little White Lies, Part I

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Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Roxanne's telling Chandler that she has thought something through, and decided that "it's the right thing for [her] to do. It's what [she wants] to do. It might be what [she] was born to do." What, have sex, you WHORE? Chandler says that he thinks this is the "sanest thing" Roxanne's ever done. Ah, so Rachel Blanchard is leaving the show, then? RevCam enters, so Roxanne leaves immediately. Ha! Roxanne is cool sometimes. Chandler says he needs RevCam's help with Jeffrey: the kid needs a tutor, because the fifteen minutes Chandler has to spend helping him with his homework is apparently just too much. RevCam says he knows "the perfect person."

Peter walks up to Ruthie's locker and asks her what her parents said. Ruthie says she didn't actually tell them her dumb secret yet, but she will tonight. Peter says she better tell them before "Maria" shows up. Not to worry, because Ruthie has the amazing logic that once Maria shows up, she's there, and the CamRents will love her. Peter points out that Ruthie doesn't even know Maria, let alone the CamRents. Ruthie doesn't see that as a problem, so Peter leaves.

Mac and Martin walk down the hall. Martin asks Mac why he's so happy today, as he seems to have gotten himself a new hairstyle that is even less flattering than his old one. Mac says that he and Pam are gonna have sex tonight! Martin says that Mac barely knows Pam, to which Mac says that he's pretty sure they love each other, so it's cool. Martin tries to talk Mac out of it, like any sixteen-year-old boy would to his friend, except not at all. Mac says he and Pam have talked about it, and she wants to do it. He isn't forcing her into doing anything she doesn't want to do. And they can't make out at their parents' houses forever. True: sooner or later, they'll have to move to the garage apartment. Mac tells Martin to lay off; he can't be the only baseball player having sex forever. Martin's all, "Wha?" Mac says it's obvious that he and Asslee are having sex, and everyone on the team knows about it and thinks it's awesome. Martin freaks out and says that he and Asslee are not having sex. Mac is shocked. The Piano is Sad. I guess it had five bucks on Martin and Asslee doing it?

Oh, look, it's Carlos again. He answers the phone; it's a nurse from the hospital. She tells him that Mary's there, and then Carlos hangs up on her and runs out the door before she can say anything else.

Matt finds his seat on the plane, and is sort of a little bit surprised to see that it's next to Heather. Even the actresses who played Shana and Cheryl finally decided that they'd rather work at Starbucks than on this show; why can't Heather? ["And for that matter, why can't Barry Watson? You got away, dude. Do the smart thing and keep your distance." -- Sars] Upon seeing Matt, Heather smiles as if this was all a part of her master plan. I thought I must have dozed off and missed the part where Matt and Heather agreed to meet on the plane, but it turns out that neither of them is very good at acting. Now, some of you may think it's pretty damn ridiculous that a coincidence like that would happen, that two people who knew each other would end up having adjacent seats on a cross-country flight. And there was a time when I would have agreed with you. But then I flew to Las Vegas and ended up sitting next to Glark and Wing Chun. And we were all like, "Wow, awesome!" because, first of all, it's always a relief when you find out that you aren't sitting next to a baby or a really fat person, and second of all, because we knew each other but had no idea we were on the same plane, let alone the same seats. Sadly, things soon went sour when the flight attendant came around and asked if anyone wanted drinks and I ordered a rum and coke. And Glark and Wing were all, "Um…it's nine o'clock. In the morning." And I was all, "I have to drink on planes because I'm afraid of flying. No, really! I'm not an alcoholic. Don't look at me!" At that point, I hid my face in shame and there was an awkward silence for the rest of the flight, except for the parts where the plane encountered turbulence and I started screaming because I thought the engines had fallen off.

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7th Heaven

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