Annie comes home from grocery shopping with the twins. She's holding one bag of groceries. A house full of people who invite others over to dinner all the time, and Annie buys one bag's worth of groceries? RevCam sends the twins away, then tells Annie that Mary's in labor -- but she doesn't want anyone there. Not even her parents? Annie asks. RevCam shakes his head sadly. Ha! Mary, you are okay with me from here on out. Especially since I'm pretty damn sure that you'll never be on this show ever again.
Peter decides to have a talk with Maria. He's sorry. Maria says every guy in school treats her like he does. Peter says he heard some talk in the locker room. Maria says that kind of talk is everywhere. Purported "bigmouth" Jack Reed started rumors about her when he asked her out and she turned him down because she, of course, already has a boyfriend in Mexico. So he told everyone that Maria was una mujer sucia. Peter says he's a guy, and all guys are idiots, and he'd like another chance. I guess Brenda's trying to make up for how bad she makes women look with that line, but she's going to have to do a lot more than that. Peter asks Maria to stay in Glenoak, and Ruthie runs into the room. She was totally spying on them from the closet, and again asks Maria if she'll stay. Guess what? Maria's answer is cut off by the next scene.
Asslee sits next to her bed and sulks. Her dad comes in and asks her if she's upset about Martin and the "sex thing," which he found out about when he and Martin had lunch. Poor Asslee's dad has got to be sick of hearing about his daughter's sex life by now. Or maybe not, since he tells Asslee to go talk to Martin, because he really hasn't done anything wrong except having a friend who wasn't very mature. Except he pronounced it "mah-toor." Asslee's dad says he has the "idear" that Martin isn't "hare-ass-ing" Asslee, but that she's avoiding him because Simon's coming back to town.
Roxanne and Lucy make dinner and talk about Roxanne's big career move. Roxanne says that now that the war's over (um, not), she's going to be an MP to help the Iraqi people rebuild their country. For example, they can build pyramids out of Iraqi prisoners to house civilians whose homes where destroyed. And maybe I shouldn't have said that, but come on. It's pretty damn funny to watch Brenda's season-long pro-military propaganda train derail right in the middle of the season finale. Here's Lucy's brilliant contribution to the discussion: "Iraq, Iraq? The Iraq next to Iran, like, over in the Middle East, that Iraq?" No, the Iraq in Maine, you fucking idiot. Roxanne says she'll be leaving for basic training next week. Lucy makes yet another comment that shows off her tremendous intellect: "You do know that President Bush is commander-in-chief of the armed forces -- that includes the army?" Roxanne says she may not agree with Bush's politics or the war, but this isn't about that: it's about doing something meaningful with her life. I would have a different opinion on the matter, but as long as this allows Rachel Blanchard to leave this show and move on to something better, I'm all for it.