7th Heaven
Losers

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Losers

Mary sneaks into the CamKitchen like a mouth-breathing ninja. She pauses to apply some breath spray, then resumes sneaking her pizza box into Ruthie's room. Oh, but the CamRents have been sitting there watching her the whole time. Mary claims she had to work late. "And so you must be punished," says Annie, all scary-like. Mary starts freaking out. "And the penalty is two slices of pizza," says Annie. It's supposed to be funny, I think, but I can't be sure because there's no guitar to back it up. Mary gives them the pizza and runs upstairs. They complain that it's cold and remark on her lying. Then Annie says the (unintentionally) funniest line of the whole show: "I don't know, but we're gonna have to keep watching her as she continues down her self-constructed treacherous road." HA! I need to write that on an index card so I can recite it perfectly the next time I'm gossiping about someone. Guess what RevCam says after that. Give up? He goes, "Fasten your seatbelt. It's gonna be a bumpy ride." Sad piano takes us into Ruthie's room.

Ruthie's wakes up groggy and annoyed. Mary says they'll do pizza another time, wishes her a good night, and tells her she loves her. "If you loved me, you'd have been home at midnight," sulks Ruthie. Mary's face falls and she leaves. I was staying with Cate and her boyfriend Peeter in Toronto when this episode aired. When the show reached this point, Peeter said, "At least she could leave a slice on her pillow." We all laughed uproariously and then Peeter pressured me to have a beer and a can of spray paint. I didn't want to, but I knew that if I didn't, Cate and Peeter would seal the windows on their car so I couldn't shout greetings to the Torontonians walking down the street. So I drank the beer, huffed the paint, and fired up another maple-leaf doobie. I like to be cool like all the popular kids when I go to Canada, you know. So that's how the show ended. I guess some people never learn.

Next week on 7th Heaven: Frankie and Johnny offer Mary marijuana. RevCam screams at Mary, but not enough for my taste. A hard rain's gonna fall, y'all.

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7th Heaven

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