7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!

Simon's sullenly parked in front of the TV when Matt barges into the living room and starts apologizing. Simon's angry because Lulu will probably never speak to him again. He says that Matt's woman was obviously more important than Simon's woman. "But not important than you, man!" grates Matt, doing the head-shaking thing he always does when he's trying to be funny. They hug and Matt promises to drive Simon somewhere next week for free. Can't wait. Dopey then finds Lucy's egg, which is now wearing a red ribbon, and starts tossing it in the air and catching it. He asks if the egg's father is the guy Lucy's kissing on the porch. Damn, Lucy works fast. She of course walks in at that moment, distracts Matt, and causes him to drop the egg on the floor. It breaks. I don't care. At least Lucy took out her rollers, though.

Mary and her new friends drink their beers. The teen parents hammer home the point about what a drag it is to have a baby at their age. They really are boring. No wonder they have no friends. Mary gets up to leave and has a dizzy spell. "Don't tell me you're that lightweight," says Johnny. Who says that these days? He might as well have just called her a she-devil. Mary says she's just tired and hits the road. Johnny wonders if she's okay to drive. Frankie says, "I think she's had one beer, and we've had more than one. So you're not driving her home. But nice try." I'm guessing this foreshadows the attempt Johnny will make to get into Mary's pants later this season.

Matt checks on Ruthie, who's dozing in her bed. She wakes and tells him about her plans with Mary. She's still confident that Mary will show up on time.

Annie and Eric kiss on a hotel bed, in hotel bathrobes. RevCam has a yellow towel thrown around his neck. They break for air and Annie says, "Being married to you is really an adventure. A wonderful adventure." She needs to quit getting after-play dialogue tips from Ladies' Home Journal. RevCam thanks her. She catches him up to speed on all their kids' goings-on. They remark on Mary's "spinning." I still don't get it. They kiss more. They say, "Mm. Mmm." I say "Retch. Quit."

Mary's being pulled over by a cop who isn't Sgt. Michaels. This cop recognizes the name Camden on her license, though. "Do you go to our church?" she asks him, thinking she's home free. "Sometimes," he says. It would have been cool if he'd said, "I usually go to the little Catholic church, though. You know -- the one whose priest your dad is too snotty to hang with." He tells her she didn't make a complete stop at the sign. She explains that she's in a hurry because Ruthie's waiting for pizza. Dude, he said he went to your church sometimes, not that he knew the names of your siblings and gave a damn about them. Then the cop gratuitously asks if she's playing ball this year so that she can babble about her non-plans to go to college. He of course gives her the sad look of disgust. Maybe he'll arrest her for being a failure now. No such luck, though. He lets her off with a warning and some hokey advice: "Don't ever get in so much of a hurry that, uh, you're not careful. I want you to be able to eat pizza with your sister for the rest of your life." "Yeah, I do, too," says Mary. I was hoping she'd bitch him out like she did the billing clerk at the insurance company. Instead she just drives away, leaving the cop looking all quizzical at the thought of a Camden not going to college.

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7th Heaven




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