7th Heaven
Lost And Found

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Refugee Camp Kwitcherbitchin'

Roxanne and Kevin are still on their thrilling stakeout. Roxanne asks Kevin if she can ask him something "very personal." Kevin says that Roxanne, in her WHORE-like ways, has never had a problem asking him very personal things. So Roxanne asks the "very personal" question. It concerns Kevin's kazoo, and whether or not it hurts. Kevin says it does, as does his neck. Suddenly, Roxanne's foot falls asleep, and she acts like that's the worst affliction to befall anyone, ever. Kevin offers to massage her foot if she massages his neck. "Are we allowed to do that?" Roxanne asks. Kevin says they must; if they suddenly have to chase a "perp" (yes, he said "perp," and I'm still laughing at him), they're in no condition to do it. So Kevin starts to massage Roxanne's foot through her smelly sock. Of course, here comes Lucy with the pie. Roxanne puts her hand back, closes her eyes, and moans in ecstasy because she really, really enjoys foot massages. Lucy sees the two, is instantly enraged, and tells them off. She concludes by smearing the pecan pie her mother worked on all day all over the windshield and leaving. Suddenly, some old guy walks up and sends them home. Who is he, and what has he done with Captain Michaels?

Annie serves her stew to the twins, who refuse to eat it since "stew" rhymes with "poo." Kevin and Lucy storm in, yelling at each other. Lucy says that she's never seen a foot massage on NYPD Blue, and she's been watching that show for years. Um…no she hasn't. Lucy has never seen that show. It's on after her bedtime, and filthy besides. She leaves without having any stew. Annie asks Kevin about the pie; he says he didn't eat any, since it was all up on his windshield. Annie hears the front door open, and thanks God that RevCam and Ruthie are home. She tells the twins to not try to feed the stew to Happy, because Happy doesn't like "people food." "Neither do I," says Vid, who's still cool.

Annie bounds into the CamFoyer and hugs Ruthie. Ruthie tells Annie that she just heard a "horrible" and "wonderful" story, one that RevCam will be sharing with everyone in church this week. I guess when RevCam can't think of anything to write for his sermon, he just rips off other people. Annie says she loves Ruthie's "rescuers." Then Ruthie says they're named Jacob and Nicodemus, and they live in a small apartment with seven other "Lost Boys." Now Annie is confused; RevCam says he'll explain later. Annie sends Ruthie to the kitchen so she and her husband can engage in a heated bout of shoulder-grabbing. RevCam tells Annie that he really loves her, even though he doesn't show it. Like, ever. He says he's really blessed, although he doesn't always remember that, even though he's a minister and THAT IS PRETTY MUCH HIS JOB.

The phone rings; it's Chandler. He's calling to thank RevCam for "covering" for him while he was taking care of Jeffrey. RevCam says he "hardly noticed" Chandler absences, then says that he totally did notice, like, way to be an asshole, RevCam. Can't you just take a thank you without turning it into a big opportunity for martyrdom? Chandler says he's been feeling "out of control" lately, so he needs to just take a deep breath, pull the car over, and scream at his girlfriend and vandalize her phone until the police arrive. He also says that he needs to do a better job of following RevCam's shining example. Suddenly, Annie comes up with a spoon full of stew and starts trying to shove it in RevCam's mouth while he's on the phone, which is really annoying and rude. RevCam tries to avoid Annie's stew and says that Chandler will really like his upcoming Sunday sermon. Chandler doesn't think he can make it, because he has to take Jeffrey out. Then he remembers that Sunday sermons are usually delivered on Sundays, at his place of employment, and says he'll be there. Whatever. RevCam finally eats that stupid stew and grunts his approval of it.

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7th Heaven




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