7th Heaven
Lost And Found

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Refugee Camp Kwitcherbitchin'

Outside "Jewelry Mart," Kevin and Roxanne are all excited about their first stakeout. They love their patrol jobs, but all that driving and paperwork starts to get tedious. Apparently, they have paperwork "up the kazoo," as Kevin so ridiculously puts it. Yes, "kazoo," because apparently, the correct ending to this colloquialism, "wazoo," is considered too risqué in light of the FCC crackdown on vulgarity. Kevin says that even a ticket for jaywalking means he has to do a ton of paperwork. Hey, maybe you shouldn't give out tickets for jaywalking, then, asshole. Soon, it's very apparent that Kevin and Roxanne are bored with their newest assignment because they're stupid babies.

Ruthie and Peter disembark from a city bus. Apparently, they just took the wrong bus and now they're fighting. Ruthie thinks they should call home. Peter says all they have to do is get to the train station and then they'll be fine. Ruthie doesn't think they'll have enough money for train tickets now that they've spent some of it on buses. Peter says they can get a student rate, or beg for money to make up the difference. Ruthie says she's not "hopping a freighter." Although it would be kind of cool if she did and then there was a whole thirties hobo arc next season. Ruthie and Peter decide to keep trying and walk away, as the Soprano Saxophone of Lost Children plays.

Mac and Martin are in the locker room, talking about the recently concluded baseball practice. Apparently, it involved "balls bouncing off of [Martin]." Ewww. Mac says that Martin may have sucked today, but he was a lot of fun to watch. Like when threw the baseball and it hit the equipment manager "in the butt." I'm sorry, shouldn't that be "in the kazoo"? Colin Powell's son just fined Mac half a million dollars. Martin says he had trouble concentrating because he was thinking about his fight with Asslee. Coach Asshole walks up and yells at Martin to start focusing and spend less time with "the girls." Asshole tells Martin not to "screw up" because the "beer leagues" are filled with guys who have a lot of talent, but are fat and have bad attitudes. I'll leave it to Sars to confirm or deny this statement. ["Fat, sometimes. Talent and bad attitudes? Not so much." -- Sars] Asshole leaves, and Mac sits next to Martin, who says this is all Asslee's fault. Mac says the beer leagues sound fine to him. Go for it, Mac. Dare to dream!

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7th Heaven




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