No matter, because now it's Chandler turn to run down the reasons why he became A Man Of The Cloth. He walks in the same stupid circle Lucy did and stands behind the pulpit to recite his reasons: to make his "parents really, really angry." They aren't religious. They aren't even "nice." They're "hateful and negative and critical." Unlike, say, the Christian Right, or the Moral Majority, or Jerry Falwell, who also is a liar and a freak. Maybe Chandler's parents would like to come and hang out on the 7th Heaven boards, where everyone is super-critical but generally very witty and astute, and nobody's fool on top of it all. Chandler makes another weird and creepy face (maybe it's a tic?) and says he forgot he was supposed to be talking about himself. Rule number one on the WB: It's always all about YOU. He says he started studying religion in college "just to annoy them," then transferred to a seminary without telling them. What a square way to annoy your parents. What about the classics, like smoking, drinking, and dying your hair crazy colors? What, is that too mainstream now? Too Osbournes for you? Is Christianity the thing that really annoys people these days? Well, I guess it's annoying me. He says they wanted him to finish a degree in business, but he doesn't like numbers in neat columns on a page; "life is messier than that." He likes that there are no clear answers. The "unseen" is "powerful" and "awesome," in the classic, old-school sense of awesome. Lucy looks at him raptly, clearly enamored. Oh, just go do it already. He says he also loves words, though he isn't a great public speaker. Lucy squinches up her face and says, "What about church services?" He says he's okay "as long as [he] doesn't get more than one heckler." Shout-out?
Kevin and Roxanne sit in Kevin's honking SUV. Wow, a rookie cop can afford a Saudi Utility Vehicle? At least he's carpooling. Well, he's not even driving it, really. What a good American. Though his vehicle could use a few more flags, or maybe a Calvin pissing on Osama. I kid. No one's car could use a pissing Calvin. Roxanne isn't into the idea of wasting her evening looking for Lucy. Then open the door and get out of the car, woman. Roxanne looks like an amalgam of all the Brady sisters; a little Marcia, a dash of Jan, and a sprinkle of Cindy. It's creepy. Kevin is also creepy in his intensity to find Lucy. Roxanne posits that Lucy saw them dancing and left in a huff. Kevin says no, Lucy would have come up to them and "said something" -- if she were "jealous," she'd have been "right in [their] faces," since "that's how she is." This is so sick. Roxanne lists the reasons she doesn't like Lucy: she's "silly" and "immature." Kevin says he "cares" that Roxanne doesn't like Lucy, so from now on, she "should not share her feelings" on the subject. Roxanne says okay, then tilts her head back and asks for a kiss. Whaaa? Kevin is outraged. He's practically engaged or something! He says vehemently that he "does not want to kiss" Roxanne. She says, "Well!" She sounds like she doubts Kevin's claim. He says that "didn't sound right." He "doesn't want to kiss any woman!" Then it's men he wants to kiss? That sounds about right. ["Isn't that Robbie's department? And where is Robbie this episode, anyway?" -- Sars] Roxanne says one kiss wouldn't hurt. Kevin, clearly a nominee for the worst actor award, says leadenly that "one kiss can change everything. Every. Thing."