7th Heaven
Lost

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After their beautiful bonding session in last week's episode, Mary and Lucy are great friends again. They're sitting in their bedroom, forlornly discussing how they miss their ex-fiancés. That would be Wilson and Jeremy, respectively. I'd better make that clear in case I missed an episode or two last year where the girls got engaged to other people I don't know about. Ruthie suggests that the girls move on. While I agree that Wilson and Jeremy are hardly worth pining over, I'm not sure either Mary or Lucy needs to get right back on that horse so soon. Didn't Mary's engagement only end, like, three weeks ago? Ruthie's just brimming with crappy advice today. Her next suggestion is that her sisters get RevCam and SuperMom to find their "next boyfriends, a.k.a. future husbands." Her rationale? The CamRents are obviously "experts on love." Oh, is that what they are? I guess Brenda Hampton wants us to know that the key to love is for one spouse to be completely abusive while the other cowers in fear. So all you folks with functional relationships, just quit it! How can you expect to become experts on love by treating your mate well? Personally, I genuinely like and respect my husband, which means our relationship probably needs a lot of work. I'll start tonight, though, as soon as he gets home. When he says hi, I'll belligerently ask him what he meant by that. I'll prepare him dinner, and then flush it down the toilet for no apparent reason. And he'd just better not be thinking of asking me how my day went. Not if he wants to be physically capable of fathering my seven children one day -- if you know what I mean. It might seem a little weird at first to treat him like shit, but Brenda Hampton has won all kinds of awards, so we should probably listen to her. Should Mary and Lucy listen to Ruthie? The answer would seem apparent to any rational person, wouldn't it? Yet, after contemplating Ruthie's dumb-ass idea for a few seconds, the sisters hurry off to find their parents. I read an interesting factoid in my latest issue of Martha Stewart Living which said, "The human brain produces about ten watts of electricity, so the power of a dozen people thinking could light an average-length string of holiday lights." I guess it's safe to assume that the Camdens won't be enjoying any Christmas lights this year.

The opening credits remind us of past examples of the CamRents' great love for each other. There are the roses RevCam brought for Annie, remember? Except she tossed them into the sink and refused to go out to dinner with him. There's Annie turning her back on Eric and rolling her eyes in irritation. Love is a thing of beauty, isn't it? And don't forget -- these people are experts on love!

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7th Heaven

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