7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: A | Grade It Now!

Lucy and Cruella are in the CamKitchen, having a delightful heart-to-heart over whom the CamRents would choose as husbands for their daughters. Annie points out that Mike Pierce is all wrong for Lucy, since she's obviously not in love with him. I seem to remember her acting like she was in love with him for a while last year, but quite frankly, I just can't keep track of all the plot and mood flip-flopping on this show, especially since there's so rarely any consistency there anyway.

That would explain why Mary's upstairs, leaving a message on the odious Wilson's answering machine about how she wants him to call her, "maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday." Oh, God, please, not a future plot involving Wilson! What did I do to deserve this?

RevCam is very conspicuously sitting outside of Joseph's kidnapper's house when the woman drives up with Joseph. Eric gets out of the car and walks up to them. Not-Mrs.-Reyes grabs frantically at Joseph, so we'll understand that she's crazy and unbalanced. RevCam tells her he's found her dog and driven him over here. An excited Joseph runs to Eric's car to see Murray. As he's playing with his dog, he looks into the back seat and sees his father. Not-Mrs.-Reyes starts to rush toward the car, but she's stopped by a bunch of police officers. That's good, I suppose, but I am a little curious as to why, exactly, it was necessary for RevCam to be there in the first place. He didn't actually do anything that anyone else couldn't have done. Joseph is saying to his father, "She told me you and mom and Joy -- she told me you didn't want me." I guess that's supposed to tug at our heartstrings, but this kid's acting is so bad -- and the entire plot so annoying -- that I'm long past the sympathizing point.

It's time for crazy Not-Mrs.-Reyes's soliloquy. Too bad her acting's no better than Joseph's. I don't know if anyone could have made this speech good, though: "Joseph should have been my child! His father should have married me like he promised he would. He doesn't deserve that boy!" Okay, that takes care of motivation, I…guess. Hey, wouldn't this time be more profitably spent Mirandizing her? No, the cops are going to leave Crazy Not-Mrs.-Reyes up on her soapbox until she's done. She's almost there, as she adds, "I don't care what happens to me, what the police or the courts do to me, because it was worth it! I'm not afraid of them. I'm not afraid of anyone!" RevCam asks, "Are you afraid of God?" It's cheesy, but Stephen Collins says it subtly enough that it comes pretty close to working.

Despite the worthless fifty minutes or so of crap I just watched, I'm willing to give this episode a good grade, solely because of the next few minutes, in which photos of various missing children are shown, along with identifying information and a 1-800 number for anyone who can offer information. I wish they would do this in every episode -- and I'm not just saying that because it cuts down on the length of actual show I have to watch.

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7th Heaven




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