In her room, Mary tells her parents again that she isn't going to college. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life and she doesn't want to waste money on tuition while she figures it out. I think she should get a job at Dairy Queen and date a well-to-do drug dealer. That was my back-up plan when I was Mary's age. Luckily, I wasn't stupid enough to go to jail for TPing a gym, so I didn't lose my scholarship, and now I can pass my bright idea on to her!
Matt and John are kicking back at their apartment when Heather shows up at the door. Greetings and pleasantries all around, and then she says that she forgot to tell Matt something at church that morning. "What's that?" asks Dopey. "I'm in love with you," says Heather, all cool as hell. John jumps up and beats a hasty retreat. Matt's dumbfounded (so what's new?) as Heather expounds on her tender feelings. She ends by telling him to have fun at the movies with Shana. He's like, "Okay," and she leaves as casually as she came in.
Simon's turning to the grapevine for help. He calls some little chick named Cynthia and asks for any gossip she has about Deena and another guy.
RevCam's hauling trash bags to the curb in his arms as Robbie comes through the gate. "Kind of ironic that I'm taking out the trash," says the Minister of Pith. Yes, it is ironic, but only in the Alanis Morissette way. RevCam makes a bunch of snarky comments. Robbie plays innocent but Eric isn't having it. He's watching Robbie, and so is "He." Come on, now, Eric. Don't bring God into it. Mary comes out and informs her dad that Annie said it was okay for her to "get ice cream" with Robbie. Say it with me, y'all: "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Eric can't speak for being pissed off, so he just stomps away. Robbie says that if there's anything beyond hate, that's what Mary's dad is feeling for him. Mary explains that her parents are mad about her ditching college. She tells Robbie she wants to spend as much time with him as possible. This makes him happy and they kiss. The patchwork on the back of Mary's denim jacket is really ugly.
In Ruthie's room, StuporMom congratulates her brat on her new relationship with Bert. "Bert has to do whatever I tell him to do. Isn't that cool? It's like having my own dog," brags Ruthie, who stopped being cute before the pilot episode of this series. Annie puts on the Mean Face and says that Bert's not a dog, he's a little boy with feelings. She asks what Bert's getting out of the relationship. Ruthie says he only wants to hang out with her and give her gifts, and she's okay with that. Annie huffs away, realizing it's too late to change the monster she's created, I guess.