7th Heaven

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Love Stinks, Part I

On the Promenade, Robbie tells Mary that he got accepted to Crawford. He figures that he'll "go to school there while [they] work on [their] relationship and [she figures] out what [she's] gonna do with [her] life." Sounds like a plan to me. Again he promises that he's changed and he's not gonna lie to her again. They kiss and seat themselves at a little table. Two chicks emerge from a shop and see them. "Isn't that your ex-boyfriend Robbie?" one of the chicks asks. She's holding a leopard-print bag. She must be a bad girl. "That's him," says the other chick. She's wearing leopard-print pants and a black pleather vest. She must be a bad bad girl. This chick lets us all know that she'd been going steady with Robbie for three years, up until last week, when he dumped her. Her friend suggests that she "march over there and tell Robbie off." Oh, but you just know that the bad, bad girl has "a better idea," don't you? Of course you do. Can we get a catfight here? I'm seeing Eric Stanton as the consultant.

Oh, my aching back! Will tonight's all-new 7th Heaven never end on the WB?

It's morning, and RevCam asks the other kids to clear out of the kitchen so he and Annie can talk to Mary some more. Here's their big scheme scene. They give Mary a sample bill for the room and board she'll have to pay starting in September. Go, CamRents! RevCam busts out the want-ads with some menial jobs already highlighted. He tells Mary that in the fall she'll either be in school or working -- those are the rules of the house. Mary clenches her jaw. "Maybe I'll just move out," she says. Uh oh. You just know RevCam's a lousy poker player, because his face immediately falls. Annie manages to play it off, though. She's all like, "Maybe you will." Mary storms out of the room. "What if she does move out?" StuporMom whispers. Eric points out that she doesn't have the money or the will to earn it.

Shana -- oh, wait, that's Matt! From behind they look alike. Matt goes to Heather's house and talks to her mom. The mom is all like, "Haven't seen you since you broke up Heather's wedding! Matt -- don't hurt her!" Matt says he'd never hurt her because he loves her. "Sometimes that's no guarantee," says Heather's mom. Yeah, lady. You're wise in the ways of the world. Now get out of the doorway. Heather and Matt stroll into the yard. Matt tells her that he loves her and he plans to break up with Shana. Heather's all like, "Good." This scene goes on way too long as the few points are iterated and reiterated by both characters with their sporadic American Sign Language gesturing. I don't pretend to know ASL, but it seems to me that if you're gonna do it, you should do it with each sentence and not only during key phrases like "I love you" and "break up with Shana."

7th Heaven

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