7th Heaven
Love Stinks, Part I

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Love Stinks, Part I

This week's episode starts in the church courtyard. Annie accosts Matt, who is talking to Heather. Heather traipses off. "How's Shana?" asks the Mommy Bird Who Refused to Empty Her Nest. Matt's all like, "Who?" Shana got into town two days before but Matt has yet to see her. Annie teases him about Heather, and he gets a little angrier than necessary before running away. RevCam shows up and gets the scoop from his wife, then kisses the twin she's hauling and leaves. Simon walks up with the other twinlet and moans about Deena's absence from church today.

The four of them go into some hallway or other and see Ruthie with powdered sugar smeared all over her insolent mouth. Annie smiles indulgently as she asks if Ruthie was eating the "after-service" donuts. Rude-y shakes her head and Simon remarks on her lying in church. "The devil made me do it!" says Ruthie. Yeah, and the devil's making me think evil thoughts right now, too. Some little boy says hi to Ruthie. He obviously has a crush on her, but she repays it with outright bitchiness. He says he'll meet her after church so they can work on their school project. "He's cute!" whispers Annie. Hey, Annie, maybe you can buy Ruthie some skin-tight t-shirts and shiny black knee boots. Then she can make out with this boy in public while RevCam watches!

Outside the church, Lucy sways like a nervous stork, craning her neck at something or other. I think she's trying to walk, but her dress is way too tight. Mary comes out in a too-small cardigan and a skirt made from the same bolt of fabric as her sister's dress and asks what Lucy's doing. Lucy says she's hiding from "Andrew Nayloss's creepy parents." Whatever. She says that she and Andrew have chemistry when they kiss, but he drives her crazy at all other times. Mary says, "Blah, blah, blah!" and they go inside.

The Camdens are sitting in their pew with Heather smashed up against Matt. Lucy's telling Mary that Shelby's brother is back from college and maybe Mary would want to hook up with him. Mary replies that she hasn't felt like dating since she broke up with Robbie Horndog on Valentine's Day. Did you get that foreshadowing? Okay. Let's move on. The organ plays and the Camdens smile. Suddenly, though, RevCam looks upset. Annie, Simon, Matt, and Ruthie turn to stare like the rude Nosy Parkers they are. "They're ba-ack!" trills Ruthie. Mary looks and bleats, "It's Raaa-bie!" "And Robbie's very good-looking friend!" drools Lucy, smiling like a porpoise. Lusty Christian lasses. Gotta love this show. The boys wave. I can't see the good-looking one. Where is he? All I see is Eddie Munster's cousin. RevCam and Annie trades expressions of desolation.

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7th Heaven

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