7th Heaven
Love Stinks, Part I

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Love Stinks, Part I

After the service, StuporMom helps RevCam out of his robe and then paces his office. They fret about Robbie's reappearance. Annie suggests they prepare for the possibility that Mary takes him back. Eric sticks his head in the sand.

In the courtyard, Robbie wears too much hair gel and apologizes for his shmucky behavior. He claims he's spent the last three months "turning his life around." He goes to church every Sunday -- not just for God, but for Mary, too. She appears to get off on this, but she still scolds him some more. He leaves as the clarinet plays morosely.

Heather and Matt pick up the hymnals that the slobby parishioners left all over the pews. Matt says he's supposed to meet Shana at her apartment. Heather smilingly wonders what he's hanging around for, then. He leaves. We're to understand, if we didn't before, that he suddenly loves Heather and not Shana.

Robbie's "friend" is ogling Lucy from across the crowded church lobby or whatever. Lucy's lapping it up. In busts Andrew. "Not now, Andrew," she tells him. Robbie's friend strolls over and says, "You're Lucy, right?" Now that's a fresh pick-up line. "Lucy!" repeats Andrew. "Not now, Andrew!" she snipes. The other guy totally ignores Andrew and introduces himself as Ronald, Rick and Robbie's stepbrother. Rick said to say hello. Oh, man. Stay away from related boys whose names begin with R. Trust me. I know. I'm sure Rick told Ronald that Lucy and Mary were total easy sluts, and Ronald's just standing in line for the sloppy seconds here. Andrew introduces himself as Lucy's boyfriend. Lucy coolly denies it. Ronald suggests he take her to the movies some time. "What exactly did Rick tell you about me?" Lucy asks coyly. "He said you dress like a ten-dollar hooker and you'd do me outside Flicks while your sister does my brother in front of the silver screen," answers Ronald. Psych! He said, "He told me you love the movies." That's almost as bad as my version, though, right? Lucy simpers as Ronald suavely exits, then not-nows Andrew once more. She leaves him down but not out. Come over to my house, Andrew. I'll make you tamales.

Simon's watching the twins on the altar. Some little boy comes up to tell him that Deena was hugging an older guy at the mall. It didn't look like her brother. "D'oh" for Simon.

Annie lets Ruthie's new friend Bert into the kitchen. She offers him cookies, but he and his parents are vegans. They "don't eat anything with a face," so cookies are out because they have eggs, he says. People! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: the eggs you buy at the grocery store are not baby chicks. They're merely chicken menstruation. Sheesh! Quit being so squeamish! Then Annie offers Bert juice, but he's juice-intolerant. Then she offers him water, but blah blah blah -- man. They make fun of kids who eat meat on this show, and then they make fun of kids who don't. You just can't win with these people. Ruthie comes downstairs, rolls her eyes, and leads Bert to her room.

Simon calls Deena's house and her dad answers. He's all like, "Simon, you've already called four times and no, Deena's not home, and no, I don't know why she didn't meet you at church . . ." and is it just me, or is Deena's dad played by a completely different, much younger actor this week? So he hangs up and we pan to Deena, who has a busted lip or the mumps or something. Her mouth's all swollen and coated with lilac lip gloss. Her dad says she really should talk to Simon and tell him the truth, but she "just can't." Hmm. I wonder what the truth could be. I'm so, so curious. What in the world could possibly be going on with my favorite 7th Heaven hickey-traders?

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7th Heaven

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