Ruthie is at the CamPound, thanking Burt for coming over, even though he says his mother forced him to. He adds, "Until I met you I thought I wanted a girlfriend, but now I'm not so sure." Ruthie suggests that they be friends but that he continue to do things for her and give her presents. Honestly, who the hell would think this drivel is cute? See, like when Burt suggests that Ruthie give him presents and do things for him too, and she says, "Maybe, but don't count on it." They discuss kissing, and Ruthie professes to think it's stupid. Uh-oh, I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this, a really bad feeling. Sure enough, Ruthie offers to let Burt kiss her. Inexplicably, he takes her up on her offer. They very carefully, and in a not-at-all choreographed fashion, move in for a kiss in which their heads don't even go anywhere near each other. Hell, they're barely in the same area code! I stop the tape and repair to the washroom, where I find it necessary to vomit copiously. The "missed kiss" image itself is frightening, but not nearly as frightening as contemplating the fact that someone thought this scene would be cute. Okay, sorry, but I think I have to be sick again. Sure, there are ratings for violence and sexual content and strong language, but a scene like this can be foisted upon an unsuspecting viewership with absolutely no warning whatsoever? I think I'll spend my summer vacation starting a lobby group to put a stop to this sort of thing. At first I think Burt is leaning over to vomit too, but he's just reaching into his bag to get the crystal cat that he stole back for Ruthie. SuperMom and RevCam are watching this from the window. Eric comments that of all the boys his daughters have brought home, he likes Burt the best. Okay, 7th Heaven people, just stop it! How many times do I have to tell you? This sort of thing doesn't even come close to being cute!
At the swingin' bachelor pad, Dopey is throwing some clothes into a duffel bag while he regales John with stories of how he and Heather talked all night. He tells John to put on some pants because he needs his help and Heather is waiting. Ooh, the suspense is killing me!
At school, Simon and Whiney Deena discuss continuing their "relationship" after she moves. Simple Simon claims he will never find anyone else like Deena and that he refuses to look. The mean part of me wants to scoff at the everlasting love of thirteen-year-olds. Okay, the mean part of me wins out, especially when Simon says, "We'll always be together." He gives her the ring again, but she gets out of wearing it by saying that she doesn't need any object to remind her of Simon; she'll "always remember him." They hug for a second time and the background music is sad enough to tell us that Deena is indeed leaving for good. Of course, this brings up the possibility of severely distasteful Studly Simon plot lines to come next season. Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it, though, okay?