7th Heaven
Loves Me, Loves Me Not

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Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Back at Dopey's swingin' bachelor pad, the Dopester and John argue about Chickenhead -- again. Dopey says that until he can honestly say whether or not he still has feelings for Heather, he doesn't want to talk to Chickenhead. He tries to weasel out of the whole conversation by saying he has to call Mary and warn her about Robbie. He tries, but the line is busy.

That's because Mary's talking to the amazingly sleazy Robbie. He's wisely decided to head Dopey off at the pass by telling Mary he was out with another woman. Except he's making up some convoluted story about this other woman being his brother's girlfriend, and he met her when she was out shopping for a beeper for her boyfriend, blah blah. It's all very weird, but Mary buys it, even though to me it sounds like this girl would have had to be shopping for a beeper on a Sunday night. It's been about a year since I've shopped in the States on a Sunday night, but I remember the only open stores being grocery stores and those super-big-ass Wal-Marts. Although Mary hasn't asked him, Robbie starts asserting that he is not seeing anyone else. This would be a red flag to most women, but Mary is evidently really stupid. I guess we established that a long time ago, though. Robbie starts telling her about his feelings for her, but she cuts him off to say that they should share their feelings as a gift to each other for Valentine's Day. Blechh! Robbie pretends this is charming, though you can tell he's just congratulating himself for getting away with all these lies.

Mary hangs up the phone and starts bouncing up and down on her bed, saying, "He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!" Lucy asks her about her trust issues, but Mary just scoffingly says, "He loves me; of course I can trust him!" Ouch. That attitude pretty much guarantees that heartbreak is right around the corner.

Meanwhile, Robbie has told his non-Mary girlfriend that he was on the phone with his mother. It must be really hard to keep all those lies straight. He accepts an ice-cream cone from his non-Mary girlfriend, and they walk away with their arms around each other.

Dopey finally reaches Mary on the phone, but she cuts off his big Robbie revelation to say that Robbie already explained to her about being out with "his brother's girlfriend." Dopey asks, "And you believe him?" Poor delusional Mary replies with, "Yes, and you know why? Because he loves me." I'd laugh if that weren't so sad. I do laugh, though, when Mary says that she'd told Chickenhead about Dopey being out with Heather. Dopey just drops the phone. He's (heh heh) dumbfounded.

The next day, Ruthie comes home from school to find SuperMom engaged in party preparations. Ruthie tries to get out of the party by saying she ate too much candy and doesn't feel very well. SuperMom uses this opportunity to harangue Ruthie about getting a gift for the twins. Ugh, shameless. Mary and Lucy come in. Mary is as self-centred as always, deigning to talk only long enough to confirm the time of the dinner so she can make sure Robbie will be there. Ruthie starts hassling Lucy about the "surprise gift" she's building in the garage. Ruthie complains that no one ever built her a birthday present. SuperMom tries to prove she hasn't been playing favourites by listing off things she's made for Ruthie, but she only comes up with two items, and Ruthie's upstairs by then anyway. Lucy leaves too, but Simon takes her place. SuperMom informs him that she asked his little girlfriend Deena to the fantabulous birthday/VD party. Simon is less than thrilled. He talks about exchanging hickeys with Deena as a way of showing how much they care about each other, although he manages to do this without actually mentioning or showing his love bite. As Simon leaves, SuperMom tells him the party's at six, but he declines to acknowledge this in any way. Ruthie comes down again and pretends to be upset because she doesn't see the twins. When she finds out the boys are just out with RevCam, she doesn't even try to hide her disappointment that the twins aren't really missing. Nothing can bring down SuperMom, though, in her anticipation of opening all those gifts she's harassed her family into buying for the twins.

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7th Heaven




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