7th Heaven
Loves Me, Loves Me Not

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Loves Me, Loves Me Not

"Hickeys?" asks RevCam. "Or love bites," answers Simon. "But 'hickey' is fine. They still call them that." Screw semantics; SuperMom just wants to know why. Simon says, "We were just trying to show each other how much we cared." This statement is met with violent heaving (on my part) and expectant silence from the CamRents. Eventually, Simon continues with the admission that he and Deena were just trying to show other people how they felt about each other. That's a pretty sophisticated observation from a thirteen-year-old. Annoying, whiny Deena comes into the kitchen to ask if she should leave. The CamRents want her to stay and talk instead. Simon asks to speak to Deena alone. He apologizes and says he should have followed his first instinct, which was to tell Deena he loves her. And he hopes he and Deena will love each other for the rest of their lives. Right now these two irritate me so badly that I want to hope the same thing for them. They share a chaste little kiss, and then Deena whines that she loves him. Annie and RevCam have been continuing the proud Camden tradition of eavesdropping from the other side of the kitchen door. SuperMom says she could cry. RevCam just wants to know if they're still punishing Simon. "Oh, yeah," says Annie, "he'll think twice before he bites someone else again." RevCam laughs about Ruthie's gift to the twins, which makes Annie all sad, because she wanted the twins' first birthday to be "so perfect." I do feel a little bad for her, despite her tacky gift-soliciting shenanigans. But then RevCam distracts me by kissing Annie and saying, "This is much better." Huh? What's better? What does this conversation have to do with the twins' birthday party anyway? Damn it, I just don't understand what these Camdens are talking about half the time! That's okay -- I'm just glad they haven't driven me to smoke yet.

Lucy and Ruthie are out in the garage, where Lucy has unveiled her gift. Aww! It's a separate little house for Ruthie. Lucy promises to get Dopey and RevCam to move it into the backyard so that Ruthie won't have to live with the rest of the Camdens anymore. Lucy claims she built the house to show Ruthie how much she loves her, and she doesn't actually tell her she has to live separately from the rest of the family, but we all know that's what she means. She asks Ruthie why she gave the twins eggs for their birthday. If the writers were smart, they would have Ruthie tell the story of how eggs used to be a traditional gift in China upon the birth of a new baby. Nope, the writers would rather use the chance to make a puerile joke -- in this case, it's something about there being two eggs in the fridge and only one pickle. Lucy and Ruthie hug, and I think it's a pretty sweet moment. It would be sweeter still if I didn't suspect they were just huddling together in terror over the possibility of the writers coming up with any more jokes like that pickle one. Just kidding.

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7th Heaven

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