7th Heaven
Major League

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Ruthie's World! Party Time! Excellent!

Back at the rectory or the church or the holy office or whatever, Chandler arrives to find Cruella DeVil waiting for him. Oh, I guess this would be his mother. "So this is where you talk to the Lord, huh? Good for you." she says, and then, "Give me my money. And give Sid his money," and tells Chandler not to let his father rule over them from beyond the grave. Chandler's a little too freaked out by the fact he was just talking to her, and now she's here, and she says, "Yeah, it's called a cell phone" which was pretty funny, and she says she flew in the previous night after her husband's lawyer "lowered the boom." Then she says, "Ouch," which I can relate to. And she tells a rather harrowing tale of having to stay in a hotel with no concierge, twenty-thread-count sheets, and no mini-bar, and she wants Chandler to give her and Sid their money so she can go back to New York, "where civilized people live." And also Sars! ["I don't know how civilized she is -- she's been living without DSL for a week!" -- Wing Chun] So Chandler lectures his mother on how she never had any interest in his father's business, just in the money, and says that giving Sid, a "recovering alcoholic," a million dollars is just plain wrong, which is why Chandler thinks his dad put Chandler in charge. Well, if his dad didn't want Sid to get any money, I suppose he could have stipulated that, couldn't he? Cruella says that the reason Chandler's in charge is because his father wanted to make Chandler miserable even after he died, which is exactly what Chandler said before, and he shakes his head at, I don't know, how he and his mother think alike? Whether he can reconcile his religious beliefs with throttling his mother right there in his office? He says that if she were in charge, she'd burn through all the money and ruin his father's business, and Sid would spend all his money on booze and drugs. Oh, so what? You know Chandler's just going to spend his on ice cream. Mrs. Chandler grabs Chandler's chin and tells him not to force her hand. "What's that supposed to mean?" he says, and she says she didn't come to this "godforsaken" place for a vacation, and that she's not leaving without her money. Incidentally, this conversation is a lot like one I just had with Sars over my payment for the guest recaps of 7th Heaven. Only Sars kicked my arse.

Lucy and Ruthie walk in the front door, so we're glad that we can keep this scintillating party plot going, and Lucy's all, "Don't worry, you're going to that party tonight," and of course Annie overhears this and she's all, "What party?" and Lucy tries to sell her mom on it by calling it a "cool couples' party," like that's going to work. "I told her I'm sure we could work something out so that she could go," says Lucy, and Annie's all, "'We'?" and Ruthie says, "It's just a party!" like she's all defending the party while Annie's understandably wondering what the hell Lucy has to do with any of this, but she tells Ruthie that if it were just a party, Ruthie probably would have asked permission herself and Lucy wouldn't be in the middle of things. So then Annie starts asking questions about the party, and when she finds out it's Suzanne Rogers's party, she says, "And who is Suzanne Rogers? Have I ever met her parents? Or her?" and as much as I hate this show, Annie is sounding a lot like my mom used to sound when I was Ruthie's age. So Lucy, in a condescending tone of voice that would have earned me all the holy terror of my pissed-off mom, suggests that Annie drop Ruthie off so that she can meet the Rogers parents, and then everything will be okay, but Ruthie ixnays that immediately due to the high embarrassment factor that results from having your parents drop you off at a party. Annie tells her not to worry about the embarrassment, since she's not going, because she didn't go about it "in the right way," and then she trains her sights on Lucy and says, "And neither did you. What are you doing in the middle of this?" and Lucy -- who really just does not get it -- starts blabbering on to the effect that she's sure they can all work out a compromise that makes everybody happy, and Annie says, "There's that 'we' again. What 'we'?" Ruthie, being an idiot, tries the "Paris is letting Peter go!" tack, but then has no answer when Annie says, "And why is that?" because she remembered too late Peter's lie to his own mom. Lucy then tries to take the blame, but gets dismissed by Annie, because this doesn't concern her in any way, and rolls her eyes and stomps away, and maybe someone could explain to me why Lucy suddenly thought that raising Ruthie is a joint effort between herself and Annie.

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7th Heaven




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