Continuing its fine tradition of bringing us the very worst of pop culture with Kid Rock, a look into the lives of the members of a manufactured boy band, and Carson Daly, MTV now gives us a behind-the-scenes look at 7th Heaven.
We start with a whole smattering of images showing us what to expect on the upcoming show, such as the revelation of "Camden family secrets," one of which appears to be that Catherine Hicks is a little bit behind the cool times when she flashes the camera an early-'90s peace sign.
And suddenly my eyes are assaulted with a montage of cast photos that rapidly zoom into the screen. One of the pictures is of someone's arm. Whatever. And here's Aaron Spelling sitting next to some woman. He introduces her as Brenda Hampton. Can I just say that this is the moment I've been waiting for for a good long time? We finally get to see Brenda, of "Brenda's Cookies" fame! I was expecting some kind of senile SNL Church Lady look-alike in her late seventies with absolutely no grasp of reality, but instead we get…an Annie Camden look-alike, blonde hair and all. I was initially disappointed, but then I realized how very telling it is that Brenda most likely modeled Annie on herself. Aaron Spelling lets us know what Brenda's jobs are on the 7H set and how great she is at all of them. Brenda responds in kind by calling him "legendary." The ego stroking continues as Spelling lets us know that 7H is the show he's "the most proud of. In my life." If that's true, it's one of the most pathetic statements I've ever heard, but since we all know that Spelling is most proud of Charlie's Angels, I am relieved of the burden of sympathy.
Brenda tells us the fascinating origins of the title of 7H. As it does for all geniuses, the title just "came to [her]." Congratulations, Brenda! You and whoever thought of the title for Full House both deserve your own stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for your creative thinking in regards to family show titles. Brenda lies that 7H is about a "functional family," and each episode is a "morality play." She says that 7H is like the shows Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver, and I think she's right; those two shows and 7H all share the special distinction of presenting their audiences with a completely unrealistic portrayal of families that often causes psychological damage to the young people who watch them.