7th Heaven
Making The Show

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Making The Show

Montage Of Obnoxiousness. LaVorgna gets the distinct privilege of showing us around the Camden house. There's a shot of him opening the door that gets repeated like six times. Those MTV editors, always trying to use as many tools as they possibly can, even if it's stupid and unnecessary. LaVorgna has a bad-ass tattoo on his arm, and he's holding some kind of futuristic tennis racket. He shows us around the living room, and points out a weird picture of RevCam and Annie. It looks like the prop department just took a picture of Collins's and Hicks's heads and put them on a wedding couple's bodies. LaVorgna describes the dining room as a place where "many a tear [is] shed." Maybe so, but not in Robbie's scenes, where tears are supposed to be shed, but due to a certain tattoo-sporting actor's acting inability, are not. LaVorgna gets all excited in the kitchen, asking us if we're "ready for" the refrigerator. I predict that it will have something hilarious and decidedly un-Camden inside it, but all it has in it is…a lot of food. Wooo. Not exciting. LaVorgna then shows us the twins' room and spends way too much time talking about all the Vaseline contained therein. And we get to see Robbie and Matt's Hello Kitty bedroom suite. He jokes about how masculinely it's been decorated, and then someone off-camera throws a pillow at him. He says the room's decorating is a "running theme…and it's funny, I guess." It's the funniest thing on your crappy show, LaVorgna. He then tells us that maybe next season they'll get some Limp Bizkit posters in there or something. I hope not, because Hello Kitty is seriously a lot cooler than Limp Bizkit. Also, I don't want to consider the fact that next season's audience will continue to be subjected to the acting stylings of Adam LaVorgna.

Beverley shows us around the unremarkable room her character shares with Ruthie and Mary. They have a lot of family pictures all over the place. She spends an inordinate amount of time in the closet ragging on the clothes contained therein. Whatever, Beverley -- even that sweatshirt is better than anything your character wears. Beverley tells us about the "chaos" that goes on the room, and then I have an acid flashback as her arms develop trails. Oh no, wait, that's just those sneaky MTV editors trying to trick me again by using "special" effects for no discernible reason.

MoO. Camera stuff is getting set up as Biel lets us know what we're about to see. Surprise, surprise: it's a scene in which the entire family shamelessly watches their son/brother/roommate make out with a girl. Biel glances around to make sure The Overlord Of Morality, Brenda, is nowhere nearby, and then says, "Bitchy." So bad-ass. Catherine Hicks very professionally ignores her director's request that the cast get ready to rehearse, and flashes us a peace sign. The cast sets up and looks out the window, except for Hicks, who just can't get over the fact that the MTV people are here and starts waving at the camera until she gets yelled at. Then she says something about MTV that makes the cast crack up right before they're about to shoot. Catherine Hicks kind of sucks to work with. Apparently, Brenda comes on the set to put an end to Hicks's reign of distraction, because they actually get to shoot the scene. RevCam decides get closer to the Matt make-out action, for RevCam is a creepy and horrible father. And then the rest of the family eagerly asks to go with him. They finish the shot with RevCam taking one last long look out the window at his adult son getting some action.

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7th Heaven




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