7th Heaven
Making The Show

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Making The Show

MoO. Now we get to check out the wardrobe department. Beverley, obviously paid off by Brenda, raves about how great her clothes are. She says that Lucy has the best wardrobe on the show, and I really can't disagree, seeing as how everyone wears some really terrible stuff. Beverley leads us through the Juniors section of JC Penney and -- oh, my bad, we're still looking at Lucy's wardrobe. Then there's a little scene where Beverley expresses her disgust for Mary's "boyish" clothes. Biel then shows us her outfit for the day, which doesn't look that boyish to me but certainly is unattractive. Hey, at least it isn't a sailor top, okay? Count your blessings.

MoO. They're just coming quicker and quicker, folks. Soon I won't have enough time to recover from the last flash of disjointed images before the next one comes, and I will have a seizure. Which will be more fun, and definitely more entertaining, than this show. Now we get an intimate look inside Biel and Beverley's trailers, which I have to say is my favorite part of the show, because it makes Biel look really lazy and uninteresting. We start off with Biel's trailer, which is marked by a crudely-drawn sign that says "Mary." Beverley, meanwhile, has a nice professional-looking sign for her trailer. Biel's trailer has nothing in it but Halloween candy; Beverley has wallpaper, couches, bottled water, and a note on her wall in which she is addressed as "Bev." Yeah, I guess there really is no way to make a name like "Beverley" sound better. Nice try, though. Biel seems ashamed at her inability to put anything personal in her trailer, as well she should be. She knew the cameras were coming; she could have at least hung a picture. Then Biel and Bev both talk about how their bathrooms are too small and they never use the shower. I wonder how they stay clean, then. Bev shows us her calendar, but I don't really care about that.

MoO. We get to see a taping of another scene, in which Mary and Lucy make fun of Matt. Then Biel informs us that she doesn't actually know what's going on in the scene, because she hasn't read the script. And they wanted to bring her back on the show…why? How can she possibly do the scene convincingly if she hasn't read the script? Even more confusing, how can she say her lines if she doesn't know what they are? The wonders of television! Barry Watson, obviously annoyed at his co-star's complete lack of professionalism, gives her a borderline abusive whack on the ass. Biel looks less than thrilled. Barry further endears himself to the television audience by stating that Biel and Bev still have crushes on him. Bev responds by pretending to moon over him, which was pretty funny, and Biel responds with a smart-ass remark that is more "ass" than "smart." There is further discussion of whether or not Bev and Biel have crushes on Barry, but I am unable to pay attention to any of it because I just realized that MTV is playing cheesy porno music in the background. Don't they have, like, a catalogue of millions of songs to choose from? This is the best they can do? Biel and Bev wrap up their scene for the week and leave, but choose to further irritate me with a reading of a poem they wrote for MTV. It is as follows:

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7th Heaven




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