7th Heaven
Mi Familia, Part I

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Mi Familia Es Horrible

Night falls on the CamPound. Martin packs up the Treehouse as Ruthie observes and helps by placing a cheap-looking baseball trophy in a box. We get some expository dialogue about how Martin and his dad will be moving into the house across the street that Martin's aunt still owns, despite having moved to New York City and also being twelve years old.

Time is filled with a very slow tilt down the Pete's Pizza sign to the Promenade below it. Eventually, RevCam enters the scene holding two boxes of pizza, and runs into Asslee's dad. That's two blast-from-the-past episodes in a row! Which Season 8 co-star will appear next week? I guess it's too much to hope for that Roxanne returns from her military police stint in Iraq (the one next to Iran, that Iraq), takes the entire CamFam as her prisoners of war, and then makes them pose for naked pictures in embarrassing positions. Anyway, Asslee's dad, a.k.a. FrogDaddy, a.k.a. George, says he's been really busy getting certified to become a foster parent. Now he and his wife are just looking for the right kid to welcome into their home and fill the bobbly-headed void left by their daughter, who is currently in the recording studio working on her next album -- I mean, "in college." "I'm really happy for you," RevCam lies. "Actually," says George, even though no one asked him to continue speaking, "we're becoming foster parents with the hopes of adopting." He talks some more about wanting a new child in the home, and RevCam interrupts him with a few "good for you's," obviously wanting to be on his way back home with that delicious pizza, but George keeps talking about how they're looking for a boy around nine or ten years old, which is the perfect age for child labor. Younger children are too small and weak for certain tasks, while puberty makes teenage boys too strong and rebellious. Hey, those toilets don't just clean themselves, especially now that Asslee is away! RevCam says that he knows of a child who fits all of George's qualifications, and has an adorable moppet hairdo to boot! George is thrilled. He should be, because, as we all know by now, RevCam + Pizza + "Adorable" Moppet Up For Adopting = DISASTER. Hope you don't have any expensive alcohol with sentimental value attached to it in your house, George!

Simon comes home from a long day of not having any STDs. He checks his answering machine, and there are four messages from a girl named Rose, each more desperate and lame than the last. Simon pushes a button on the phone. "Your messages have been deleted," an electronic voice says. You know it's going to be a thrilling and wild ride of an episode when a robot voice takes us into the opening credits.

For the Opening Credits Timewaster, Dr. Matt, M(uch).D(opey). wanders around the hospital looking for a phone to use. Amazingly, he still hasn't gotten the hang of that cell phone of his and has to use a pay phone, for which there is a long line of similarly technologically unadvanced people waiting. Matt waits in the line for about three seconds, then abandons it in favor of the free phone at a nurse's station. As he's waiting for whoever he called to pick up, a nurse approaches him and glares. Matt sees her and hangs up the phone as she asks him how he gets any work done when he's on the phone all the time. He doesn't really have an answer for that. The nurse tells Matt that a guy named Carlos called for him and said that Matt should come to his apartment as soon as possible. Matt asks Nurse if she's talking about the Carlos who is his brother-in-law. Nurse says she has no freaking idea. Matt says Carlos might not be his brother-in-law anymore. Nurse couldn't care less. I love how the hospital staff obviously hates Matt. I bet they talk about him in the break room.

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7th Heaven

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