7th Heaven
Mi Familia, Part I

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
Mi Familia Es Horrible

Rose exposits that she and Simon just spent the whole night eating spaghetti and slow-dancing, i.e. not having sex. Simon says he's sorry, but he can't have sex with Rose and there's apparently nothing in between the spaghetti and dancing stage and the sex-having stage. "Is there something wrong with you physically?" Rose asks. That's what I would have suspected at this point, what with Simon saying that he wanted to have sex but couldn't, and that his problem was "personal" and "complicated." Simon assures her that that is not the case, then kicks her out of the apartment so he can get ready for work. Rose says she never thought Simon would play so "hard to get" based on his reputation, and finally leaves, giving Simon a chance to talk to God. "God, help me," Simon says. "No, really, God: please help me." God tells Simon that he is number fifty-six billion and five on the waiting list, so Simon might want to just satisfy his carnal needs with some heavy petting like all the other celibate people do while he's waiting. It's not hard, Simon. Unless, of course, there's something wrong with you physically.

RevCam and George have just broken the bad news to the Orphan Kids. Kelly and Meredith tell LOD to live with George and not blow this opportunity because of them. Meredith asks George to promise to take care of their brother. Meredith and Kelly seems just a little too okay with having their brother taken away from them, if you ask me. Perhaps they hate him as much as I do. LOD says he won't live in "some nice house with some nice parents" while his sisters suffer in their horrible group homes. George says LOD is right: if he's going to take one kid, he's got to take them all. So he's going to take them all. Well, except for the girl in the wheelchair. Oh, okay, actually, because this is 7th Heaven where everything is perfect, he takes everyone. Hope he can afford to make his house wheelchair-accessible! Fortunately, thanks to the miracle of government food stamps, they'll never be hungry. George says they all belong together and he cares about them. LOD smiles orphanishly. George says it's time to break the "good news" to his wife, who will probably react by saying that if those kids belong together, then she and George do not. Because I would be PISSED if my husband made a snap decision like that, no matter how well-intentioned. While applying the Stephen Collins theory that halting line delivery equals great emotional acting, Meredith says: "I'm sorry, I…I…just never ever thought I would have a dad. I'm so old and nobody's ever wanted me." "I want you," says George, which makes me feel icky. Hugs are shared all around. RevCam stands off to the side and cries like a little bitch. George sees him and says "oh, for goodness sake!" and the two men hug, because hugs between two male friends are acceptable heterosexual behavior so long as the circumstances are sappy and artificially heartwarming.

Kevin and Lucy go over pages and pages of real estate listings. Lucy has a reason why she doesn't like every single house on the market. Kevin sighs. I don't care.

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7th Heaven




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