Lucy keeps making excuses for why she doesn't want to go house-hunting until Kevin resigns himself to spending the rest of his life in the CamPound. So, of course, Lucy secretly purchases the house next door, which may be a pile of crap, but it's a pile of crap close to her Mommy and Daddy, so it's perfect. Simon comes home with his new girlfriend Rose, who's a snotty hateful bitch to Annie, which is great. Then she forces Simon to propose to her, which is stupid. The Martin/Vincent/Ruthie love triangle continues to be excruciating to watch. After much discussion and many misunderstandings, Vincent dumps Ruthie, who gets a consoling hug from a little-too-excited Martin. It's a very awkward moment. RevCam finally breaks it to Annie, after lying to her all episode, that Mary is getting a divorce and "abandoning" her child, and Annie's face melts in sadness. Before you feel too sorry for her, she also says that two of her kids are the most selfish and irresponsible people in the entire world, even worse than the Orphan Children's mother, who won't let Asslee's parents adopt her kids. As the episode draws to a close, though, she changes her mind and lets them be their foster parents for the all-important happy ending. In that vein, Martin's dad comes home from wherever he was for the last two years.
I'd like to start this recap off by thanking one Miss Rebecca, who Fed-Exed me a copy of this episode when my parents' VCR recorded an hour of static which, while more interesting and better-written than the show it was supposed to record, would probably not have been an acceptable recap. Thank you, Rebecca! I'm so grateful that I won't reveal your full name, thus sparing you from the potential embarrassment of someone recognizing it and knowing that you tape 7th Heaven.
Vincent meets Martin in the backyard. Vincent tells him about how their silly plan didn't work. Now Ruthie is more into Vincent than ever, and she thinks that Martin likes her. Like likes her. More clumsy exposition follows in which the details of Vincent's silly plan to get Ruthie to dump him last episode are revealed, and then Martin says that he's washing his hands of the whole sordid affair, as he is "not a Camden," and so he can't lie for a good cause like they can. He is, however, very good at being a self-righteous little prick, so it seems to me that he's at least ninety percent Camden.
Weird Rose comes to Simon's apartment, even though, as Simon points out, she just left. I guess she can't get enough non-sex! In fact, she wants to meet Simon's parents, and she wants to him to meet hers, who, of course, live in Glenoak. Crawford Clown College must be really suffering these days, as all the students from its Glenoak feeder schools have apparently decided to attend an art school that is either way up in Northern California or the next town over, depending on how close it needs to be for storyline purposes. Simon asks Rose if she's "sure" she wants to meet his family, who he says is "overwhelming and nosy." Rose interrupts him before he can list any additional horrible CamTraits, which is a real shame because I'm pretty sure Simon could have kept going for the rest of this episode, and that would have made my job much easier. Not to mention it would create a more realistic and better-written show than this series has ever produced. Simon and Rose decide to travel back to Glenoak, and seal the deal with a kiss.
No expense was spared for the Season Finale Edition of the Opening Credits Timewaster. It consists of RevCam pacing around the Church Office. That's it. At one point, he changes it up by looking at his watch, but I think that was more of Stephen Collins wondering when the hell his summer vacation is starting so he can get to work on his newest "erotic thriller" than it is a stage direction. Finally, Greta the CPS lady enters, as per my wishes last week. She's there to exposit the whole Asslee's parents adoption deal and to talk about those horrid foster children and their awesome crackhead mom, who has a habit of refusing to relinquish her parental rights when someone tries to adopt her kids, which someone could have told poor George before he got all excited about his new family. Greta says that the Davis mom might even try to interfere with George and Gwen's foster parent bid by asking for custody back. Whatever she does, I hope it involves blowing smoke in RevCam's face again.
Annie makes a phone call. Matt's answering machine picks up after one ring and doesn't have any outgoing message. Not very realistic, but since it means I don't have to hear PC's raspy voice, I appreciate it. Anyway, Annie wants to know what's going on with Mary and Carlos, as she's having "one of those Mother Feelings" that something is wrong. I never want to hear Annie discuss her "Mother Feelings" with Matt ever again.