7th Heaven
Monkey Business (1)

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Monkey Business (1)
Lucy is upstairs in her bedroom, using the fugly see-through phone to call Detective Michaels. Man, I sure hope there's room in RevCam's psychiatric ward ambulance for Lucy as well. Lucy's call is not going through because Kevin has picked up another extension. He tries to persuade her to get to know Roxanne, but Lucy's still being pissy. Finally, Ruthie snatches the phone away and hangs up, saying, "Why don't you just marry him and get it over with?" Lucy's reply -- "Maybe I don't want to get married" -- shocks me to the core. Maybe if Kevin forces some more of his manly kisses on her, it will change her mind? It's probably worth a shot, Kevin. Ruthie tries to give Lucy some genuinely good advice, and never once does she come right out and baldly state that Lucy is crazy as a loon. Maybe I've misjudged Ruthie. She may be nicer than I think.

Down in the CamKitchen, Mary is taking the pot roast out of the oven. I'm only mentioning that because I think it's the first time I've ever seen her do anything even remotely domestic. Not content to mismanage his own affairs, Pea-Brained Moron Kevin is now trying to stick his nose in Mary's business too. It's a stupid conversation that just goes around and around, like a dog chasing its tail. Mary keeps insisting that Ben is only using her to make his old girlfriend jealous; Kevin thinks he has a right to delve into Mary's life. I'm guessing they're both wrong on their assumptions.

After Mary stomps off, Lucy comes back down. She's ready to apologize, though she's not willing to do it gracefully or sincerely, which pretty much makes the apology useless. As she opens the back door, she sees Roxanne and Robbie on the porch. You probably don't need me to tell you that they're making out. Even when Lucy slams the door, you can see from their shadows that they're still going at it. This leads Lucy to draw some conclusions about Roxanne. I'm pretty sure what she's about to say is that Roxanne is a slut, but mercifully, Kevin cuts her off. I have just one question for Lucy: If Roxanne is a slut, then what does that make Robbie? ["Uh…amazing?" -- Sars]

The doorbell rings, and Mary goes to answer the door. Of course, the CamRents go to answer the door too, since it's always necessary to have at least three people answer a door. Don't you find that true in your own life? Mary opens the door to find Grant Goodeve, or "Captain Smith," as she calls him. She nervously asks him what he's doing on her doorstep, and he replies, "Hey, you said if I was ever in the neighborhood and needed a good home-cooked meal just to drop on by, so I did." Mary may have said that, but I'll bet she was talking about Buffalo. And when she said "home-cooked meal," I'll bet she actually meant making out for hours on her couch. Annie invites the captain in for pot roast, and he accepts. He's not only wearing his full pilot's uniform, but he's also carrying his hat. I'm confused. One of my cousins used to be married to a commercial airline pilot, and I don't remember him walking around in his uniform all the time. Maybe Captain Smith is the one who's confused? Perhaps he thinks he's an Air Force officer who's on duty. Hey, if he thinks dinner at the CamPound sounds good, he's obviously delusional.

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7th Heaven

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