7th Heaven
Monkey Business Deux (2)

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Simon, Portrait of a Teenage Prostitute

Back in the CamRents' bedroom, RevCam and Annie sit on opposite sides of the bed with their backs to each other; RevCam explains that Captain Smith told him that Mary moved down to Ft. Lauderdale to be with Captain Smith, since that's where he's based. "They thought it would be better for them," says RevCam. "I asked you not to say anything to her," says Annie. "I asked everyone not to say anything to her...because I was the first person to say something to her." "I feel so much better," says RevCam. "Because now we're all in this together." They fall down into lying positions on the bed just like that shot from the credits and agree to keep praying that Mary gets back together with Ben.

Down in the CamKitchen, Ruthie tries to get a gift out of Ben. He gives her some perfume. "You airported me," says Ruthie, accusing Ben of picking up her gift at the airport. "So should we talk about this boy you like?" asks Ben. "Or this mess that Simon is in?" Ben then holds his smile for a very very long time like he's waiting for them to yell "cut" already.

Back out on the back porch, BritneyClone and Simon have a talk. Simon explains that he's angry, and that he's never going to be able to see BritneyClone again because he's going to be grounded for the rest of his life. "You could have made me listen to you instead of telling my dad!" BritneyClone is all, "Maybe if I'd have paid you to listen!" She hands five bucks to Simon. "The word out on the streets is that one of your dates is pregnant! She was paying you to take her out so that when her parents find out, they'll think the baby is yours! Now who doesn't understand the consequences of his actions!" And with that, she stomps off. Okay, let's review: Going on chaste dates for money is bad, because one of your customers might accuse you of fathering her children. Jeez, what's Simon going to do? Oh, if only there was some way of comparing samples of one's genetic material in order to determine their relationship to an illegitimate offspring…hey, wait!

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7th Heaven

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