7th Heaven
No Sex, Some Drugs, And A Little Rock And Roll

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Here They Come, Walking Down The Street

In a scene that I didn't tape because ABC Family decided to start the show early, Matt brews himself some coffee so he can stay up and study for a midterm. Simon asks for some, but Matt says that coffee isn't for kids. And I'll bet Simon is going to listen to this sage advice, thus avoiding a subplot that promises to be both annoying and boring.

In the living room, Annie is repeatedly playing the same two measures of a The Shining-score-esque tune over and over again on the piano. It's probably a famous song that I would know if I was more cultured, but oh well. Anyway, Annie sucks at the piano. Nearby, Lucy is talking to Jordan, her lame thirty-five-year-old boyfriend, on the phone. She loudly argues with Jordan over whether or not he should wear plaid, thus causing Annie to lose her concentration. We are then treated to an extreme close-up on her eyes as she literally shakes in anger, followed by a shot of her hands as she slams them down on the piano. It must be hard going through life both insane and having the maturity of a three-year-old, but Annie does it with a brave clownface. Lucy finally gets the hint and hangs up. Does she say goodbye before she hangs up? No, but this time you can't blame her, seeing as she, like me, is probably scared shitless of Annie. Obstacle to piano-playing perfection tackled effectively, Annie resumes her tickling of the ivories while explaining to Lucy how it's important to keep the phone line open in case there's an emergency and someone needs to reach RevCam. Personally, I can think of at least twenty thousand phone numbers I would call in an emergency before RevCam's. Lucy severely underestimates the seriousness of her situation, and sasses her mentally unstable mother but good with a crack about making her own phone line out of cans and string. Before Annie can remove Lucy's head from the rest of her body with some nearby piano wire, Lucy dashes off, pouting childishly.

Oh, crap -- here comes Ruthie. The little demon sits down on the bench next to her mother, who responds with a furious glare. At first I thought that this was supposed to be Annie's normal reaction to Ruthie's presence, but it turns out that she's annoyed because Ruthie is chewing gum with her mouth open. Annie stops playing and grabs a tissue, then places it over Ruthie's nose and mouth. I was hoping that Annie was going to try to suffocate her own child, thus creating a Very Special Episode of 7th Heaven about Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, but my hopes are cruelly dashed when it turns out that Annie just wanted Ruthie to spit her gum into the tissue. Ruthie complains about this, so Annie responds that she can "tell [her] story walking," which is kind of a mean thing for a mom to say to her child, but as long as it gets Ruthie out of the scene, I'm all for it.

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7th Heaven

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