7th Heaven
No Sex, Some Drugs, And A Little Rock And Roll

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | Grade It Now!
Here They Come, Walking Down The Street

Annie knocks on Simon's door, then rudely enters before anyone invites her in. She seems disturbed by what she sees, but you know, if you're going to walk in on people, you can only blame yourself for what you stumble upon. And what she stumbles on is Simon and Ruthie, together. No, not like that! They're having an innocent tea party. Spotting a perfect tattling opportunity, Ruthie jumps up and tells Annie that she didn't drink any coffee, she just stole it for Simon. Annie starts to yell at him, but then Lucy walks by talking on the forbidden phone, sees Annie, and stops short, her mouth forming a tiny "o" of surprise, which no one does in real life but which I still enjoy seeing when TV and movie people do it. Annie grabs the phone, says goodbye to Jordan, and hangs up. Lucy uses circular logic to explain that she had to call Jordan to tell him that she couldn't call him. Annie scowls, then decides to do some disciplining. She makes Ruthie spit out her gum, takes Simon's thermos, yells at everyone, and leaves. Hey, Annie, maybe Ruthie would stop chewing gum if you actually told her why she isn't allowed to. Maybe you could tell me why Ruthie isn't allowed to chew gum too, since I have no idea.

Over at the all-light, all-night basketball court, Diane and Mary shoot hoops for three seconds, then take a break. Mary says that Diane was right about the pills and she feels like she could play all night. Oh my god, are you kidding me? Mary took the energy pills? Kick ass! Seriously, Brenda, if you make Mary get addicted to those pills like Jessie Spano, I will forgive you for almost all the horrible television atrocities you've committed. Unfortunately, I cannot, and will not, forgive you for the 7th Heaven episode "Tunes" or your decision to cast the Stults brothers. Diane tells Mary that "two pills are better than one, and four pills are better than two," and I'll have to blame the particularly virulent strain of bad-logic-itis Diane must have caught from Mary on that little pearl of wisdom. Mary replies that after only one pill she feels full of energy and her hands are shaking. "You'll get used to that!" Diane shouts encouragingly. Mary says she hopes it wears off before bed, because she's so pumped up that she doesn't know how she'll be able to close her eyes. Diane suggests more practicing to work off the extra energy, and The Guitars Of Disappointment In Mary's Behavior play us to the commercial. Those guitars got a lot more work in the next two seasons.

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7th Heaven




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