7th Heaven
One Hundred

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
The family that prays together, pries together

Mary gets off her plane and hugs RevCam. He accuses her of expecting Robbie, and she doesn't deny it. He says something about the trouble she's in. After a long, agonizingly boring conversation full of misunderstandings, Mary says, "Happy birthday, Dad." See, it's RevCam's birthday, and that's why Mary's in town. And...wait...that must be why Robbie made a cake! Oh, and...could that be the reason that Annie was so anxious to get Eric out of the house? Could it be that they were planning the whole thing all along? Well, I'll be gosh-darned. I never would have guessed. I never would have seen all this stuff coming from a mile away. Mary tells her dad that she has to catch her return flight soon because of all the delays. Bye, Mary. Don't let the hatch hit you in the ass on your way out. Mary tells her father that she loves him. Fake tears run down his face. He's even wearing pink eyeliner on his lower lids to show us how touched he is. He and Mary hug, and then we fade to the same commercial endcap they've been showing all this time -- the one with the slo-mo of RevCam and his family at a party. So they really are having a party, huh? Imagine that. I'll be a monkey's aunt. Or a cat's.

RevCam shows up at the CamPound, and his family yells, "Surprise!" He apologizes to Robbie, who accepts his apology. Annie asks where Mary is. RevCam says that she promises to come home again when she has another contractual obligation -- oops, I mean, "more time." Everyone except RevCam and Lucy goes to the other room. Lucy, wearing a whorishly sequined spaghetti-strap top, says she has something special for her dad. She pulls out the college acceptance letter she's been hauling around all month and lets us all know that she's going to study theology. Aw! How horrifying! RevCam is happy. He asks what made Lucy decide to be a minister. She tells him to close his eyes and give her his hand. He does. She leads him into the living room, where billions of Tertiary Characters Past are waiting and smirking. Then we see the lamers with whom Eric used to have a band. They play "Happy Birthday" in that rockin' style of theirs. RevCam shakes the hands of all these people that he's allegedly helped while his band buddies sing the theme song of the show. Hank and Julie clap arhythmically. The rest of the family smiles smarmily. The band plays on. What a happy ending to a tenuously suspenseful episode. Not.

Next week: RevCam and Annie are rivals for their kids' attention. Lucy kisses Mike, and Mike says it's like kissing his sister. Woo hoo.

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7th Heaven




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