Lucy and Matt emerge from a dark corner of the Weirdest Department Store Ever to find themselves in the jewelry section. Actually, knowing this place, it's just the ring section; necklaces and earrings can be found at various kiosks on the first, third, and fifth floors for your inconvenience. Lucy orders Matt to buy a wedding ring that he can wear while he's out with her so that people won't think they're married to each other. This doesn't make any sense, and it's at this point that I started to suspect that this episode was actually written by a ten-year-old with a limited sense of reality. Matt doesn't want a new ring, but Lucy is already asking the lady at the counter to show them some rings. She orders Matt to try some on. Matt tells Lucy to try on rings herself. Lucy says she already has a ring. Matt says he does, too. Ring ownership ascertained, Matt tries on a ring. Over in a corner, Frank and some other employee are all happy that Lucy and Matt are getting married. The other employee responds with some bitchy and foreshadow-y comment about how they better get married soon because Lucy looks like she could give birth anytime. Hey, guys? I believe they're selling "Lives" on the first floor. And you can get a ten percent employee discount!
The CamDen is filled with a bunch of chattering women we've never seen before. But here's someone we have seen before -- Aunt Julie! Crap! Annie walks in and asks her about Hank and their kids, and Julie says they're at the zoo. "Sam and David went to the park with Martin," Annie says, like anyone cares. Julie feigns interest until RevCam walks in and says hello. Julie whines that if she knew the shower was co-ed, she would have brought Ed Begley, Jr. Well, thank God for mixed signals.
Kevin and Ruthie have returned, and Annie asks them about Kevin's present for Lucy. Ruthie says she doesn't think Lucy will like it, nor will Annie. Who cares what Annie thinks? Kevin says he has to make a phone call. RevCam follows him into the kitchen and asks what Kevin got for Lucy. "A house," says Kevin. "Great!" says RevCam. Kevin says that's what he thought, but now he's scared that Lucy will be mad, so he's going to take it back. RevCam asks if the deal is closed; Kevin says it is. I doubt someone with such an obvious lack of knowledge and understanding about contracts would have been considered mentally competent enough to legally sign one, however, so maybe he can take it back. RevCam tries to think of some ways for Kevin to tell Lucy about the house so that she won't be mad, because he is desperate to get his horrible middle child out of his home already. RevCam says that Kevin should show the house to Lucy without saying that he bought it and then, when she loves it, "buy" it. Great plan, RevCam, except for the giant "SOLD" sign in the front of the house. I know Lucy rarely takes the time to look at anything besides herself, but I think even she would notice that. Kevin says that if RevCam is suggesting that Kevin lie to Lucy, he must really want them out of his house. But he's going to call the realtor anyway and try to take the mansion back. Except that now his cell phone battery is dead. I don't see why this is a problem for Kevin; surely he can just plug it into one of his sockets and have it recharged in less than ten minutes. RevCam wonders if perhaps God drained Kevin's cell phone battery so that Kevin wouldn't take the house back. Apparently RevCam is a minister of whatever sect of Protestantism it is that believes that God has nothing better to do. Kevin grabs the Camden house phone.