7th Heaven
Paper Or Plastic?

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Big Big Shop of Horrors

Kevin and Ruthie are standing in front of a house that may even be bigger than the CamPound, if such a thing is even possible. Kevin asks for Ruthie's opinion of the place, and it dawns on her that Kevin bought it without even consulting Lucy. Kevin's explanation for this complete and total lack of sense is that he's a character on 7th Heaven. Also, neither he nor Lucy were planning on spending so much money on a house, so he went ahead and did it without telling her. He's planning on surprising her with it after the shower. It's kind of funny how a guy who didn't even want to spend an extra five thousand dollars on some crappy little house last season is suddenly ready, willing, and able to buy a multi-million dollar mansion now he's no longer in the garage apartment and actually has to see the CamRents at times besides when he's stealing their food. Ruthie predicts that Lucy will have the baby on the front yard when she sees what Kevin did. Kevin asks if that's a good thing. Ruthie says it isn't; Lucy is a totally paranoid conspiracy freak and when she finds out that one of her irrational fears was actually justified, she's going to flip out. And lose the strangle-hold I'm sure she has on her uterus. Kevin creepily orders Ruthie to say that Lucy will love it. "Can you get out of it?" Ruthie bravely asks instead. Kevin says he had to outbid three other buyers for the house and it's the best house in the entire country. Ruthie says none of that will matter to Lucy. And she's right.

Lucy and Matt emerge from a dark corner of the Weirdest Department Store Ever to find themselves in the jewelry section. Actually, knowing this place, it's just the ring section; necklaces and earrings can be found at various kiosks on the first, third, and fifth floors for your inconvenience. Lucy orders Matt to buy a wedding ring that he can wear while he's out with her so that people won't think they're married to each other. This doesn't make any sense, and it's at this point that I started to suspect that this episode was actually written by a ten-year-old with a limited sense of reality. Matt doesn't want a new ring, but Lucy is already asking the lady at the counter to show them some rings. She orders Matt to try some on. Matt tells Lucy to try on rings herself. Lucy says she already has a ring. Matt says he does, too. Ring ownership ascertained, Matt tries on a ring. Over in a corner, Frank and some other employee are all happy that Lucy and Matt are getting married. The other employee responds with some bitchy and foreshadow-y comment about how they better get married soon because Lucy looks like she could give birth anytime. Hey, guys? I believe they're selling "Lives" on the first floor. And you can get a ten percent employee discount!

The CamDen is filled with a bunch of chattering women we've never seen before. But here's someone we have seen before -- Aunt Julie! Crap! Annie walks in and asks her about Hank and their kids, and Julie says they're at the zoo. "Sam and David went to the park with Martin," Annie says, like anyone cares. Julie feigns interest until RevCam walks in and says hello. Julie whines that if she knew the shower was co-ed, she would have brought Ed Begley, Jr. Well, thank God for mixed signals.

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7th Heaven

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