7th Heaven
Paper Or Plastic?

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
Big Big Shop of Horrors

The baby shower guests help themselves to food. Annie walks in and apologizes that Lucy hasn't come back from the store yet. "She's been on bedrest for a while. Hope she's okay," says Aunt Julie, her delivery of the line incredibly reminiscent of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

Annie walks into the kitchen, where she finds Kevin on the phone and Ruthie and RevCam blatantly listening to his conversation. They don't even try to hide their nosiness anymore. On the phone, Kevin asks his realtor if someone has ever returned "a gift like this" before, because not just saying exactly what the gift is provides us with an opportunity to see Annie guess what it could be. Here she goes: "He didn't buy jewelry for the baby, did he? Oh, I do not like baby jewelry, especially not expensive baby jewelry. Ugh!" Kevin tells his realtor he doesn't think his wife will like "it." "Lucy does not like baby jewelry!" Annie cries, as if she and Lucy have had discussions about something so ridiculously mundane before. Which they probably have. Finally, Ruthie explains to Annie that the gift isn't fucking baby jewelry. Annie makes her second guess: "You didn't do something stupid like going out and buying a house that Lucy's never even set foot in, did you?" she asks Kevin, who is trying to talk on the phone, like, wait your turn, Annie. "Yep," everyone says. Annie tells Kevin to take that house right back and buy one with Lucy once the baby arrives. Which is what he's trying to do right now anyway, Annie, although your constant interruptions are making it difficult. Her jaw set, Annie walks up to Kevin and gets right up in his face. "Take it back!" she hisses. Kevin winces. RevCam and Ruthie just look relieved that she's focusing her insane rage at someone other than them for a change.

As SamVid and Martin walk through an aisle filled with sporting goods, Martin exposits that SamVid need new baseball gloves. SamVid say they're tired of playing baseball anyway. Like the abusive control-freak father he's destined to be, Martin tells them to "tough it out, okay? You're never gonna get anywhere with that kind of attitude. It's a man's game. Be a man. Be strong." SamVid say they aren't men yet. And they're hungry. Martin takes them to get some food, but after that, they're going to get the gloves and return to their baseball torture.

In the elevator, Matt tells Lucy not to worry. Frank has managed to climb down the shaft and onto the top of the elevator. He lifts a panel and tells Matt and Lucy that an electrician is on the way to fix the elevator. I wouldn't think that whatever would cause the shrieks of scraping metal would be solely electrical in nature, but whatever. Matt informs Frank that Lucy is in labor. "Ugh!" Frank says, a hilarious expression of disgust on his face. It looks a lot like the one I wore for this entire episode, except a thousand times less intense. Matt tells Frank to call an ambulance, "just in case," which shocks both Frank and Lucy, both of whom react as if Matt had ordered a coroner instead of trained emergency medical personnel.

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7th Heaven




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