7th Heaven
Paper Or Plastic?

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Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
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Big Big Shop of Horrors

Suddenly, a loud, guttural, moan issues forth from Lucy's mouth. Oh, my ears. Frank takes off to call the ambulance and Matt pulls out his cell phone, which is the same exact cell phone as Kevin had, like, the prop department may want to consider buying more than one prop phone and, while they're at it, get some that aren't from the early '90s. When people on the Miami Vice reruns that probably get higher ratings than this show are flashing cell phones more modern than the characters on your show, it's time to update. Oh, and while they're at it, they might want to get more than one pregnancy pad for Beverley Mitchell, because the one she's wearing right now is a lot smaller than someone who could give birth at any minute should be. Because she apparently has nothing better to worry about, Lucy says she doesn't want to go to the hospital in an ambulance because ambulances are "creepy." As we will soon see, Lucy's definition of what is and isn't "creepy" is very different from the rest of the world's. Lucy orders Matt to call her husband, but Matt says his phone doesn't get any signal in the elevator. I'd like to think that this is because the store employees, seeing an opportunity to rid the world of two great annoyances, have sealed off the elevator shaft in a thick wall of concrete, but it's probably just because there are no more cell phone towers that carry whatever analog frequency Matt's antique cell phone uses. Lucy asks Matt why, every time she's with him, her baby wants "out." Wanting to leave an area whenever Matt enters it seems fairly common and understandable to me. The real question is why the baby hasn't been trying to get the hell out of Lucy since the moment it was conceived. Lucy demands that Matt make some ridiculous promise that he'll get her to the hospital, as if him promising that will magically make the elevator doors open. Then she gets hit with another labor pain, and we get to see some more horrible faces.

Mac wanders up to the elevator and presses the button. Some guy walks up and tells him that he'll have to use the escalator as the elevator is not working. Or maybe Mac's able-bodied teenage self could try taking the stairs. Mac asks if the baby stuff is "still" on the second floor. Good to know that he has a good, if outdated, mental map of the department store's layout. The guy tells Mac that baby stuff is on the first floor, and points Mac in its direction. But what if Mac wanted to buy a baby blanket?

Mac strolls past a cafeteria on his way, where, coincidence of all coincidences, Martin and SamVid are eating! Martin asks Mac what he's doing there, and Mac says that his mom suggested that he get Lucy's baby a gift since he eats at the CamPound three times a week. Not like Lucy had anything to do with purchasing or preparing those meals, but, whatever. Martin starts to worry that maybe he should get Lucy a gift, too. SamVid like this idea much more than the baseball. "I'd rather go shopping," says Sam. "I like to shop," adds Vid. As some people in the forums have pointed out, between this and their rendition of "YMCA" a few episodes back, SamVid are starting to look awfully gay. So are Martin and Mac, as Mac hops over the counter and sits next to Martin.

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7th Heaven

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