Ruthie says goodnight to the twins, who don't say anything in return. Their tummies ache. Ruthie says that must be her fault. The twins say, "Yes, no, it's HIS fault." Oh, creepy. It takes three shots for the lines. Ruthie says she'll sleep with them in case they need anything. Wouldn't it be great if they both barfed on her in the middle of the night?
Eric barges into Robbie's room and asks why he went to see Chandler today. Maybe Robbie wants to live with him now. Maybe Robbie isn't Eric's son and it's none of his damn business who he has a conversation with. Maybe Robbie has a life of his own. Ha ha ha! Robbie says he told Chandler to "pack up and leave town." Eric is thrilled. The guitar plays a happy tune.
Lucy comes home, wearing her ugly lilac sweater coat, and smiles at Kevin, waiting for her on the porch. Ben goes, "God she's ugly! She already looks like an old woman!" They kiss, which sickens me, and then Kevin tells her something is wrong. Well, that he's been with someone else before. Well, married. His high school girl friend thought she was pregnant, so they got married ("a small, family, church wedding"), but she wasn't pregnant, so six months later they got divorced. Was this in the olden days before pregnancy tests? Or, you know, before sense? Kevin tells a stunned Lucy that even though he can't get married in the Catholic church again, it shouldn't be a problem for her weak-ass strain of Protestantism, or whatever brand of Jesus-lover she's supposed to be. Why didn't he tell her? Because he was afraid she wouldn't love him, or that this would be a deal-breaker. And why tell her now? Because he pulled the ex-wife over today. Lucy is mad that Roxanne and Simon saw her. "Is she pretty?" High school girlfriends are always pretty. Way, way prettier than Camden girls. Lucy rushes inside to find out from Simon just how pretty this high school girlfriend is, then rushes back out to ask Kevin to "keep this between" them, "for now." Kevin says dully that he already told her dad. Lucy storms back inside, sweater coat flapping behind her. I hate sweater coats.