7th Heaven
Peer Pressure

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Under Pressure

Out in the hall, Eric and Robbie bump into each other. They each ask the other where they're going. They each say, "Oh, nowhere." Heh. Oh, the stupid sneakiness. It's so boring.

Church. In the hallway, Eric and Rabbi Lewis peer around a corner, exaggeratedly tiptoe past a wall hanging, and generally make a big old show of being sneaky. Oh, my head. Barry Watson keeps hitting me over my head. They stealthily enter the Rev's office, consider the coast clear, then -- kaboom, Chandler...Hampton walks into the frame. He was standing right by the bookshelf, hidden sneakily away from the eyes of the audience, and obviously the Rev and the Rabbi couldn't have just, oh, looked to their right. Chandler...Hampton was looking for a Strunk and White because "obviously there aren't enough years in school to cover the difference between 'further' and 'farther.'" Well, in my school, the School of Hard Knocks, "further" is how much you have to go to get to the Tasti-Freeze, and "farther" is who you ask to get the money for a cone. Any more questions, you idiot? Chandler...Hampton thanks Rabbi Lewis for his sermon last week. "So few Protestants get to hear about kosher law." So few Protestants even know about kosher salt. They just look at all the boxes of baked goods that come out at the grocer's each Passover and go, "Apple cake...interesting. Oh, look, Jews eat brownies? Wow! And potato pancakes? Interesting!" Then they buy a few more loaves of white bread and stock up on mayo and they're out of there. Eric asks how RevLite's sermon is going. RevLite's face squinches all up, pinched like a loaf. He's been having trouble, but he didn't want to ask Eric for help because he "wanted [him] to enjoy his time off." Eric doesn't want to relax, you idiot! He wants to get all worked up about his job as pastor! Eric sees the opportunity to psyche out RevLite and seizes it: "They allllways remember the first sermon. Come Sunday...it's judgment day." Rabbi Lewis is all, and that's one tough FLOCK! Okay, is the "flock" thing a shout-out? They're sure hitting it enough. So, would they read Chandler...Hampton's sermon? Sure they would! He dashes off to get it.

Eric and the Rabbi bicker a bit. "Kosher law?" The Rabbi says he "could fit everything [he] knows about Mary Magdalene on the head of the Pope's hat pin." But don't get him wrong, "she's fab!" Yes, Mary Magdalene: One smoking babe. She was down with the blood of the lamb, i.e. Jesus! The Rabbi worries that Eric blames him for hiring an associate pastor. Didn't we already sing this song? Eric reminds him that they're here to spy on the new guy, not bicker. "United we stand, divided we fall!" Ah, more propaganda. The Rabbi says he's just "along for the ride." Eric reminds him that he drove. The Rabbi gets even more bent out of shape. Oy.

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7th Heaven

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