7th Heaven
Peer Pressure

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Under Pressure

Kevin and Roxanne pull over another speeder. Roxanne sighs and rolls her eyes. She's bored. Like me. Kevin explains that people use this road as a "shortcut," and writing tickets will "send a message." Actually, a parked cop car sends a better message to more people. So why don't you three park and play Monopoly or something? Inside a zippy red sports car is a toothy brunette in a faux-hide jacket that looks like one of the skinnier and more tasteless American Idol contestants should be wearing it. Oh, who am I kidding -- any of those tools would wear that tacky Pocahontas nightmare. The girl is all, "Kevin Kincaide?" Kevin is all, "Mindy Kincaide?" They laugh, and she leaps out of her car and hugs the shit out of him. They kiss, he squeezes her, and she squeals. So, they're cousins, right? Sexy cousins? Inside the squad car, Roxanne and Simon watch with interest. Barf, is that you? Oh my god, I haven't seen you in so long! Wow, you haven't changed at all!

Rabbi Lewis and Eric have a little dance about who's driving the rabbi to the hospital. The rabbi drives, since Eric isn't supposed to, even though the rabbi seems far worse off than Eric. Whatever.

Back at the squad car, Kevin tells Simon and Roxanne that he isn't going to tell either of them what just happened or who the toothy lady was. Fine. Fine!

Hospital. Rabbi Lewis is on a gurney, looking unwell. Eric rolls his eyes unsympathetically. The doctor comes in and says everything is "pretty good, but..." Rabbi Lewis says, "'PrettygoodBUUUT? PrettygoodBUUUUT?' You don't say 'pretty good BUUUT'!" It sounds like he's saying, "Ahomosayswhat?" The doctor wants to keep the rabbi overnight for tests. The rabbi milks it. I bet ten minutes ago you thought I was just being neurotic -- why did I let my daughter talk me into speaking inside of a church! Why did I drive you to the church! I had to succumb to peer pressure! Eric says he's had a heart attack, and this is not a heart attack. Shut up, Eric.

CamPound. The twins sit on the kitchen floor, surrounded by pudding cups, thermoses of milk, Happy the motionless dog, and a few bags of artificially bashed-up cookies and chips. Off in the living room, "Hello, It's Me" plays. Wouldn't it be great if this was a horror flick and the twins, after gorging, coldly and systematically murdered everyone in the house as the saccharine, innocuous love song played on in the background? Hey, a girl can dream. Annie comes in, sees the scene, and is. Not. Pleased. Her robot twins aren't programmed to make messes! They're programmed to speak in unison, enter and exit rooms simultaneously, and sing "Jesus Loves Me." SamVid announce, "We made a sss-NACK. We made it." And where's Ruthie? "She's daaaaancing." Annie goes to check it out.

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7th Heaven

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