7th Heaven
PK (a.k.a. Preacher's Kid)

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Secrets Revealed

The show begins with its traditional shot of the CamPound and some rollicking up-tempo muzak. In the kitchen, RevCam presents SamVid with what appears to be burnt toast, and tells them that Annie is visiting her father for the next two days. You mean she's going to be gone for the entire episode? That I won't have to pause my 7th Heaven tape to write something down, only to see that I've managed to stop at the absolute height of an Annie Clownface so now there's a frozen exaggerated grimace staring at me while I write? And best of all, no Opening Credits Timewaster devoted to watching Annie perform her morning chores with considerably less than aplomb? Joy! Eric tells the twins that they'll be spending the next two days with Daddy, and even going to work with him. SamVid is not very pleased to hear this.

The phone rings. It's Annie, calling from her father's blandly decorated home. Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! She is going to be in this episode after all. She speaks to her husband for all of two seconds, then demands to speak to the twins, which is surprising when you consider the fact that they're barely capable of speech. RevCam is reluctant to let her talk to the kids, so they shout a worried "Mommmmeeeee!" in unison. It's actually the best acting they've ever done, leading me to wonder if Brenda Hampton was horrifically murdering their real mother nearby to produce the intended reaction. Annie icily asks RevCam to give them the phone, and this time he does. "Come hoooommme," says the bigger twin. Smaller twin follows this up with a "nooooow." Kill meeeeeee. Noooooowww. Annie says that she'll be back soon, but in the meantime, SamVid and Daddy are going to have "a LOT of FUN!" Smaller twin says that the twins "don't like Daddeeee in the daytiiiimmmee." "We don't want hiiiiimmmmmmmm," says his brother. RevCam doesn't respond by bursting into tears or walking out of the kitchen in a self-righteous huff while screaming, "No one appreciates me!" Instead, he pathetically tries to convince his own children that he's fun to be around. The twins ignore him and complain to Annie that RevCam is making them go to work, and they're too young to work. Apparently, they're also too young to know how to hold a phone properly. Or to get a better agent. Annie tells the twins to help RevCam at his job like they help her. Really? I've never seen them help her; maybe they're spending all that time behind the couch dusting or something. SamVid agrees and gives the phone back to RevCam. Annie bitchily asks him if it would be so hard to take a day off of work to spend time with his own kids. Yes, Annie, it would. When you're the sole breadwinner for a family with at least five dependents, you can't just take days off to play. So shut up. RevCam says that the kids will be fine and she shouldn't worry.

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7th Heaven

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