7th Heaven
PK (a.k.a. Preacher's Kid)

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Secrets Revealed

Lucy comes into the kitchen and asks SamVid what they're making for dinner. "Chateaubriand," says one twin. "Or rack of laaaamb," says the other less-adept-at-French twin. RevCam says that he prefers Italian -- as in take-out pizza. Lucy asks her dad what happened at Simon's meeting today. RevCam says that the counselor said the same things he and Annie said, but Simon needed to hear it from someone else. Lucy asks Eric if he has any contacts that could help Simon go to college early. RevCam says he doesn't care to use any. He'll use his contacts for his loser daughter, but not his son? Ass. RevCam tries to hatch a plot with Lucy to convince Simon to stay in Glenoak. Lucy says that the only person who could have convinced Simon to stay was Asslee, but they're not together anymore. Then Lucy changes the subject and asks if Kevin's new babysitting charge can hang out with RevCam and the twins tonight. RevCam gets a weird look on his face and says no, asking how Kevin got himself into babysitting for his boss. Lucy explains that Det. Michaels has an anniversary dinner with his wife. RevCam repeats what she just said, sounding surprised. I guess he's so self-centered that he didn't even know his "best friend" was married. Although that might also be because Det. Michaels's marriage only exists now so as to provide us with the Kevin babysitting plot. Now Lucy wants to know if RevCam's been "encouraging" Chandler to date women from the church to "boost attendance." "My sermons alone draw them in," RevCam says. Lucy asks if his sermons are responsible for the recent sharp increase of women aged 18-45. RevCam repeats that women love his sermons. Lucy says that women love Chandler. RevCam says that women love both of them, and "what can [he] do?" What, indeed. RevCam leaves, and Lucy pretends to play with the twins.

Ruthie's on the phone with Peter. RevCam picks up on their line from deep within the RevLair. He lies that he didn't know she was on the phone, then says hi to Peter. Peter says hi, and we see that he got the crap beaten out of him. He's got bruises where I didn't even know you could get bruises. It's a damn fine thing to watch. The special effects crew strikes again, and we get a three-way split screen of the phone conversation. Ruthie asks her dad to remove himself from her conversation so that she can have more room on the screen. He hangs up, and Ruthie and Peter's images push his image out of existence. Ruthie yells at Peter that she told him not to hit Biggiesize. "Believe me," says Peter, "I didn't." The whole conversation is littered with awkward pauses due to the fact that, because it's a split screen, they can't be edited out so the timing has to be perfect. And when you're relying on thirteen-year-olds for perfect timing, it's just not going to happen. But thanks for trying to spice up my 7th Heaven viewing experience, special effects team, all the same. But please don't show up for work for another three years. Ruthie asks Peter if he needs a doctor; he says no. RevCam picks up the phone again and tells them that he really needs to make a phone call. Then why doesn't he just use the house's second phone line? I guess the continuity department is on its three-year vacation. Ruthie says that she's coming to Peter's house. He asks her to bring him a lot of ice. And, because this is a totally normal thing for a thirteen-year-old boy to ask for, some make-up. Ruthie smiles evilly.

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7th Heaven

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