7th Heaven
Regarding Eric

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Regarding Eric

It's breakfast time at the CamPound. You know how a balanced breakfast is supposed to get you off to a good start, so that you think better and make rational decisions? Well, I can't tell you what the humans (and Kevin) are eating, but Happy is chowing down on what looks like a handful of Cheerios someone has tossed on the floor. This insignificant breakfast must be the only thing that's keeping her from making the sane and logical decision to leave and find another family -- one that actually cares about her welfare. Hey, and here comes the poster girl for sanity and logic now. It's Annie, and she's here to tell the family that Eric is feeling a little down because he's still recovering from last week's heart surgery and can't go back to work yet. Don't waste too much time sympathizing, though, because Annie's got a plan which is sure to get him feeling great again. Of course, it's possible her plan is totally stupid to begin with, and that it will go horribly wrong anyway and make RevCam feel even worse than he does. But things like that only happen on poorly written, cliché-riddled shows, so we probably have nothing to worry about here. And just what is Annie's plan? Well, she wants all the kids to take their problems to RevCam and ask for his help in solving them. So, that sounds to me like she wants them to ask RevCam to meddle in their business. Aw, man -- he must be feeling terribly down if he's not already doing that voluntarily.

Annie leaves, and even though nobody is staring at Lucy, the dumb-ass defensively says, "I don't have any problems!" Lucy has become such a caricature that such statements are barely worth an eye-roll these days. Moving right along, Ruthie helpfully proceeds to spell out everyone's problems. According to her, Simon wants to ask out that vile Cecilia, but he's too scared to ask her. Robbie wants to date Roxanne, but he's also too scared to make a move. Lucy's problem, apparently, is not the fact that she has a negative IQ, but that she doesn't want Roxanne around her man. Ben's and Kevin's problems have something to do with Ben not leaving today as he'd promised he would. Ugh, whatever. Can anyone even tell me why Ben is still on the show? Does Brenda like staring at him? Does he have hidden talents, like the ability to belch the alphabet, that amuse the writers? Is he Aaron Spelling's nephew? Ruthie's problem is that she's wearing the ugliest ski cap I've ever seen, and she's wearing it indoors, which makes the whole thing even worse. And for someone who's allegedly so smart, how come she chose totally innocuous non-problems instead of going after the real issues? I shudder to imagine what kind of subplots will emerge from the "problems" Ruthie outlined.

Uh-oh -- it looks like we've got even bigger problems, though. I see from the opening credits that both Ashlee Simpson and Rachel Blanchard are going to be on the show this week. Rachel Blanchard has already worn out any goodwill I might have felt toward her for all those fun years of Clueless, and Ashlee Simpson earned my dislike the minute she opened her mouth. So, that's the sort of episode it's going to be. Eek.

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7th Heaven

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