7th Heaven
Regret To Inform

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
Another Episode About Dead Soldiers

In a daring change of formula, we don't open on the CamPound, but on Eddie's Pool Hall, where Martin and Mac, fresh from a night of studying, run into Kevin and his cop buddies. There aren't any open pool tables, so Kevin invites Mac and Martin to wait with them. Then Lucy calls and pretty much demands that Kevin cut his evening short to bring her a chocolate cake. The cop buddies make fun of Kevin for being whipped, and Kevin fires back that there's a reason why they aren't married. Good insult, Kevin. Oh, except that if being married means sharing a garage apartment over your spouse's parents' garage and having to bend over backwards to fulfill every single one of your spouse's requests without getting anything in return, then I don't want to be married. No one would. Suddenly, an elderly lady walks up and asks the guys if they know if Eddie's offers a senior citizen discount. "Hi, Venus," says one of the cop buddies. Yes, her name is "Venus." It appears that Brenda has ventured past the confines of her World Atlas and is now using a map of the Milky Way for character-naming inspiration. Although it makes sense here, since Venus, the person, is probably about as old as Venus, the planet. Anyway, Mercury notices Mac and Martin and asks them if they're "new on the job." "We don't work here," says Martin cluelessly. Pluto turns to Kevin and says that the rookies are getting younger and younger every year. While she gets older and older. Kevin and the cop buddies play along. Orion's Belt tells Kevin that Martin is cute. Kevin leaves, wishing Martin "good luck" on his way out.

A table seems to have suddenly opened, so Martin and Mac make their way over to it. Mac says that Mars is "checking" Martin "out." "She's, like, five years older than us," says Martin. Yes, five. Plus twenty. Times two. Martin turns to look at Upsilon Andromedae, and she gives him a "flirty" wave. Either that, or she's trying to work the arthritis pain out of her finger joints.

The Opening Credits Timewaster features RevCam snooping around the house. He goes into Martin's room and checks out his desk drawers, then is about to climb the stairs to the attic when Annie comes out of the CamBoudoir, dressed in her best silk night muumuu. It turns out that RevCam was snooping around in search of Martin, and just why, exactly, would he think that Martin had snuck up to Ruthie's attic room? Ewww. Annie suggests that RevCam call Martin's cell phone, but it turns out that neither of them know his phone number. And I know Martin isn't their son, but damn, that is irresponsible of the CamRents. RevCam says he'll go out and look for Martin.

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7th Heaven




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