7th Heaven
Regret To Inform

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Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
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Another Episode About Dead Soldiers

Kevin gets a glass of water from his own fridge, and I'm surprised that he didn't go to the CamPound for one. I'm sure they've got individually bottled Evian over there. There's a knock on the Treehouse "door," which is actually more like a hatch in the middle of the floor. You know, like what most homes use as an entrance to the attic. Congratulations, Treehouse of Lurv! You are officially more pathetic than Mike Seaver's garage apartment on Growing Pains. RevCam enters and asks Kevin if he knows where Martin is. He called the pool hall, but the poor sap stuck on RevCam duty that night told him that Martin left. Kevin says Martin is probably somewhere with Mac, but RevCam doesn't think so, since everywhere on the Promenade is closed. Kevin says he'll make some calls, but RevCam wants to get started calling the police and the hospital. Kevin breaks it to RevCam that Martin was talking to a "girl" who hasn't been anything close to a girl in about seventy years. Suddenly, Lucy wakes up and butts into the conversation that there was a "twenty-something-year-old girl" (I'll let that pass, since when you look like Lucy, Martha Plimpton probably does look like a twenty-something-year-old girl) who Kevin let believe that Martin was a rookie cop. Kevin makes a "thanks for tattling, bitch" face, and RevCam asks Kevin why he would do something like that. Kevin says that it was "just a joke," made because Martha is always hanging around police officers. RevCam lectures that Kevin's joke wasn't funny and that "it's illegal" for older women to pick up younger men. Kevin tells RevCam to go back home and he'll track down Martin. "I don't think it's funny, either," Lucy says, like anyone asked for her opinion or has even been paying attention to her.

Martha walks out of the kitchen dressed in 7th Heaven's version of sexy nightwear. And if you thought Annie's silk muumuu was scandalous, wait until you see Martha's long flannel pants, silk robe, and loosely-fitting tank top! "Clothes are so confining," says Martha, and I'll bet they just are when you've got one of those osteoporosis humps to deal with. Martin tries to explain to Martha that he's not a cop, but Martha just interrupts him to ask what they call new cops these days: "Rook? Meat? Newbie? Plebe?" Martin lamely tries to explain himself again, and maybe if he didn't stop short and wait for Martha to interrupt him like five minutes later, he'd be able to do it. Then Martha mentions that her dad is a Marine in Afghanistan, and I wonder if he enjoyed Ruthie's little dance video. I also wonder if his name is Uranus, because I was saving that joke for this moment. Martin's face lights up because now he has a soldier daddy buddy. Martha and Martin bond about how hard it is to have a dad in the army, and they do this thing where they interrupt what each other is saying over and over again to show that they have a Shared Experience. "I miss my dad," says Martha, and surely he died of old age back in the sixties, so you'd think the wounds wouldn't be so fresh.

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7th Heaven

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