7th Heaven
Regrets

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Shocking secret
It's quiet and dark. RevCam's sitting in his lair, writing in his journal. We get to see the entry he's just written, which says, "Tuesday 4 AM. I cannot get this revelation out of my mind, or the possible consequences when it's revealed." At first I thought he'd had an actual revelation. I thought maybe one of the kids had spilled something on the stairs and he'd comically fallen down and conked his head. Then he could have had a vision that his doctor would have excused as something medically caused, but RevCam would have milked it for every pseudo-religious drop. Still, I found it remarkable that RevCam would experience a revelation, at all. And to whom was he going to reveal it? The media? I thought of all these things for about three quarters of a second, and then I noticed that RevCam's previous journal entry was visible on my screen. I paused the VCR and read this: "Why do I worry so much? When you look at it plainly, things almost always work out. Had a great talk with Mary who seems to be doing better and better. I miss her so much. Patience." At first glance, the reader is forced to ask, "Trite much?" However, the emphasis on the reverend's intense craving for his daughter's company leaves an ominous aftertaste that I wish I could ignore. Run, Mary! RUN!

RevCam meets John's dad, the Reverend H, at his church. Rev H is bitching because he hasn't had lunch and would have preferred meeting over a meal. RevCam ignores this in favor of beginning a long, long flashback sequence. We see some of the Camdens around the breakfast table. Annie is flying off the handle because "something's going on" with her dad and his girlfriend Ginger. She has no real evidence for this, but what does that matter? Ruthie asks her parents to sign a petition. One of her teachers, Mrs. Miller, is allegedly being fired. Annie reacts emotionally. Big strong patriarch RevCam says that he'll have to get some more information before he makes a decision. Annie sees that her teenage CamSpawn have already signed, so she adds her name to theirs. "Students who don't believe Mrs. Miller should be fired," she reads aloud. Ruthie runs off, and Robbie walks in. He tells us that he doesn't sign petitions or even vote. RevCam says, "That's criminal," and then, "Register to vote, today!" Then he was about to say, "Come over here, young man, and lie across my lap so that I can heartily spank your taut yet supple buttocks," but he couldn't, because Robbie brought up Grandpa and Ginger. Nice to know that Robbie's assimilating the CamGramps now. He leaves, and Annie speculates about her dad breaking up with Ginger and moving into the CamPound. RevCam reveals that Mary has been dating Wilson. Annie worries because he was a teen dad. RevCam the Voice of Masculine Reason tries to teach his wife's pretty little head to be reasonable. She runs out the door to the university, where they're probably trying to teach her to be independent, logical, and non-submissive. Luckily, she won't have to study too hard, because she has her dear hubby to do all the thinking for her when anything important happens.

Rev H wonders why the hell he's sitting there listening to RevCam's crap instead of eating lunch somewhere. RevCam pretends that he's going to get to the point soon. We flash back to him sitting in his church office, talking to Ruthie's principal on the phone. She says that Mrs. Miller wasn't fired, but that she's also not coming back the next year. Annie's dad walks in. Ms. MacKoul says she's planning to meet with Ruthie the next day, and RevCam is invited to join them. RevCam hangs up the phone and then asks Grandpa a bunch of intrusive questions about the whereabouts and knowledge of Ginger, patronizing and irritating him. Matt walks in and colloquially asks his grandfather what he's doing there. "If I wanted you to know, I would have driven by the hospital and told you," says the suddenly lovable old man. Matt has come all the way to his father's office to inform him that Mary is definitely dating Wilson. That's pretty freaking sad, if you ask me. Grandpa interjects, "I thought she was back together with that kid that's living at your house." RevCam supplies Robbie's name. Grandpa defensively explains that it's not Alzheimer's making him forget the name. "I mean, you have seven of your own, plus that extra one. I just couldn't remember, because I couldn't remember." Matt hangs around after his extra-credit snoopery, and Grandpa asks why he didn't just call with the information. Matt says it's because Robbie and Mary are tying up the phone lines with screaming arguments. Then he says he should probably get to work. "Goodbye," Grandpa tells him dismissively. Ha. Grandpa rules. He tells Matt not to tell Annie he's there.

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7th Heaven

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