7th Heaven
Seven Is Enough

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Seven Is Enough

All the kids but Mary are hiding out in the garage, where Simon asks how they are to survive "the next seven days." Dopey sighs and sits down to impart his wisdom. His advice is to never make eye contact with the grandparents and to "never show fear." The Marlon Perkins shtick is kind of funny, but I do have to point out -- um, these are your grandparents you're talking about, Dopey. A little respect, please.

RevCam sneaks into the garage and then sees the kids. He tries to play it off by asking, "What's everybody doing in here?" Lucy is not fooled. She says, "Same thing you are." Everybody sulks silently.

Annie knocks at Mr. and Mrs. Colonel's door and invites them to the hardware store. Man, I'd be embarrassed to invite my houseguests to the hardware store, but the Colonel and Ruth jump at the chance -- I guess so they can spend time with the sainted SuperMom. As they start to leave, they run into Lucy, who offers to come along so they can "talk." Her grandparents are polite enough -- except for the part where the Colonel turned around to escape when he first saw Lucy -- but it's obvious they don't want her along. Well, it's obvious to the viewer, but not to poor, dumb Lucy, who is as eager as a puppy to be liked. See, now I'm torn a little. I may be a bitch and all, but really, seeing Lucy wanting so desperately to spend time with her grandparents and watching them rebuff her is actually a little sad. Mary shows a degree of insight that she will probably never display again when she offers to come along on the trip. You can tell she's doing it so she can act as a buffer between Lucy and her grandparents. The rest of the scene was pretty distasteful, though.

Nobody's inviting Simon and Ruthie along either. They're hanging with Happy and her puppies, while Simon talks about how he's going to win a Viper in a raffle. Huh? Oh, who cares. And how does Simon know he's going to win this raffle? "'Cause I'm the kind of kid that incredibly lucky stuff happens to." Uh-huh -- like being born into the CamFam? Like having Ruthie for a sister? I wouldn't hold my breath waiting to win that car, Simon. Ugh. Ruthie's sparkle-encrusted jean jacket is too vile for words.

Maybe I was a little too quick to feel sympathy for Lucy before, because she really is terribly, terribly annoying. She's talking a mile a minute about the odious Jimmy Plywood and how he was afraid of failing some math test. When Mary interrupts by handing Mrs. Colonel some hardware...thing...and saying, "I think one piece should do it," Ruth smiles at her beatifically. Annie is talking to Emma Houten, the cashier. She notices that Emma is wearing a necklace with two rings on it, and she asks her about it. Emma tells some sorry-ass story about how she's widowed and her husband never could afford to buy her wedding rings, so her son gave these to her as a gift. What, her husband couldn't afford a twelve-dollar silver wedding band? That's just sad. Unrealistic, too. Even though they're standing right next to Emma, Mary and Lucy comment on how the rings look exactly like SuperMom's, which were stolen a few months ago. See, I told you Mary would go back to being the rude git she's been throughout most of the run of this show. When questioned by her in-laws, Annie pretends the rings are different from hers, though you can tell she's lying. The CamFam leaves the store. Whatever happened to that hardware thing Mary handed to Mrs. Colonel? Did Grandma Ruth use the exchange about the rings as an opportunity to slip it into her purse?

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7th Heaven




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