Dopey and Ruthie The Younger have a boring conversation about who's sleeping where in the CamPound. Then Ruthie says she's doesn't like to be around George because he "makes [her] want to cry because he doesn't have a mommy and daddy." Aaurggh! Cheap, sappy dialogue that's supposed to manipulate me emotionally, but fails, because it's so poorly written that it makes me want to cry. And vomit.
The CamRents are sharing Dopey's single bed uncomfortably. Annie asks RevCam what's wrong. He tries to claim that he's upset about being around his parents, but she psychically deduces that he wants to adopt George The Orphan. We find out that, all along, the CamRents had planned to start adopting children after Mary was born. But I guess they never got around to it because, well, if you keep having unprotected sex, it's a pretty sure bet you're going to keep getting pregnant, isn't it? And because this is still Season One, they're not even done procreating yet. They agree that adoption is a commitment not to be taken lightly, and that it requires a great deal of thought. Ten seconds later, they agree to adopt George. Consistency, thy name is not Camden. They both seem overjoyed with their decision, but not happy enough to have sex over it. Eric won't do it because his parents are right down the hall. That just sounds like something Eric would say.
In the CamRents' bedroom, the Colonel lights up a cigar. Hee hee; I hope the bedroom reeks of smoke after their visit. Ruth The Elder comes out wearing the G-rated version of sexy lingerie. I think it's enough that her robe is shiny. The Colonel expositions that he and Ruth met during the Korean War, where she was a nurse and he had a bullet in his spleen and "a lung full of mustard gas." Okay, I did not need to know that. I also don't need to hear Ruth ask, "Are you ready to play?" Although I find the idea of sex between the Colonels not repugnant in the way that any show of affection is between the CamRents. I needn't have worried. It turns out the Colonels are just planning to play poker in bed, which also sounds pretty fun, especially since they've got some Duke Ellington playing in the background. They're disturbed by a knock at the door, and they both panic at the thought that it could be any of the hell spawn. Ruth hisses, "I thought they were all asleep," but her husband is brave enough to invite the person in. Fortunately for them, it's George, who wants to be dealt in to their poker game. Those CamPound walls must be paper-thin for George to have figured out what they were doing. Or maybe it's just some bad writing. Not that that's ever happened on this show before. Against my better judgment, I'm amused by the rest of the scene, wherein the Colonel lets George know he's figured out that George deliberately showed up in RevCam's office hoping to trick Eric into adopting him. That's pretty sharp of the Colonel. I had no idea. Maybe I'm just gullible, or maybe I missed some telltale clue that gave it away. Or more than likely, there was no telltale clue, kind of like in every episode of Murder, She Wrote that I've ever seen (okay, both of them). Jessica Fletcher always figures out the mystery due to some "clue" that's such a stretch that it doesn't even make sense to the average person. Now that I think about it, unlike Simon, Jessica Fletcher must be the unluckiest person around. Everyone around her is always dying. It's not like she's a homicide detective and would consequently expect to be investigating murders all the time. No, it's just that wherever she goes, someone dies. I wouldn't open my guest room to her. And you can't even blame it on the fact that she's a mystery writer. I took a course in writing detective fiction, and you don't see people dying around me every week, thank God. Oops -- I strayed pretty far from the topic, didn't I? You know the show is bad when you'd rather talk about Murder, She Wrote. So anyway, George deploys his charm on the Colonel next, challenging him to discuss the Korean War. Mercifully, we don't have to hear about it.