Admissions Guy 1: Did someone just take a picture of a kid about to shoot the Reverend and leave without trying to stop him?
Admissions Guy 2: Well, wouldn't you?

"Invisible" Luke was Simon's coolest friend ever, but no one believed he existed. "Helpless" Sascha needed Simon to help her end her relationship with a mean boyfriend. And "sad" is someone Simon can't talk about.

Admissions Guy 1: Oh, ho ho! So he'll keep some of his own stuff private, but he lays his family's secrets out for anyone to see!

Simon says that the wacky people in his family's lives find them through RevCam, who looks either really stoned or really stupid with his half-closed eyes and content smile. RevCam's favorite saying is, "Forget trying to help people and just try to be harmless."

Admissions Guy 2: Wasn't that the KKK's slogan?
Admissions Guy 1: I think it was the Nazis, actually.

It should surprise no one that RevCam doesn't really have friends, just people he's "helped." Like RevHam(ilton), whose church was burnt down by racists, or a "bigamist," who I guess needed help getting a divorce from one of his wives; a "drug addict," an "abused wife," who is not considered a "victim" for whatever reason, a "homeless" guy, and Aunt Julie, the "recovered alcoholic." And let's not forget the "minister in crisis" who suffered from epilepsy, or "mother of ungrateful children" Mrs. Hinkle. Pam is another "victim" of not having as much money as she'd like. "Selfish parents" Bob and Ellen forgot about their daughter during their divorce. This is illustrated by a picture of RevCam in mid-blink with his finger pointed at his temple, which seems like a bizarre choice. "Victim" Norah's husband was murdered, although I would call him a "victim" more than I would her. "Guess who's back" Will is Eric's adopted brother George's real dad, who was away in witness protection. Eric helped "ex-con" Ron get a job, and autistic "angel" Louis's parents get the money they needed to send him away. And let's not forget "floozies" Nancy and Serena, who totally wanted RevCam, which should probably make them "victims," or at least "blind and deaf." RevCam saved "Hero" teacher Mr. Lane when he tried to help a student whose dad was abusing him. "Fashion victim" Peter wanted to commit suicide because his mom bought him ugly pants. Too bad none of the Camdens have that sense of perspective; then they would all have killed themselves long ago and I wouldn't have to suffer. The "cheater" president of Crawford Clown College had an affair with a grad student. RevCam helped abusive "victim" George get some anger management classes. "Victim" Clarence and his mom were poor, of course. "Sad and determined" Elizabeth couldn't get over the death of her son. "Hero" Rudy was a janitor who spoke to God. "Good citizens" were RevCam's fellow jurists who RevCam convinced to give a man they thought was innocent a life sentence. Way to go, Eric.