And now I'd like to officially state that there will be no more links to past episodes in this recap. Digging through all the 7th Heaven recaps to find links is extremely time-consuming, not to mention that reading through all those episodes of 7th Heaven, with all those terrible plotlines, all the awful guest stars, and all the preachy lessons they were trying to teach me, was just painful.

Lucy is represented by a stick figure on the phone. Wow, that sucks. Matt got his career, Mary got her basketball talent, and the best Simon could do with Lucy was that she talks a lot? ["That's really Lucy's fault, I'd say. As so many things are." -- Sars] Lucy has the "longest" list of friends, starting with "recluse" Richard Moll in a role I'd much rather see Marsha Warfield in. "Victim" Suzanne's dad wouldn't pay child support. "Victim" Shelby was embarrassed about the fairly decent Cape-style house she lived in. And "victim" number three was verbally abused by her mother.

Admissions Guy 1: How are any of these people even "victims"?
Admissions Guy 2: Maybe they drowned afterwards.
Admissions Guy 1: Drowned in self-pity, maybe.

Lucy helped "ex-boyfriend" Rod face his father after his mother died. "Cutter" Nicole is Chloe from Smallville, and she had a "self-abuse problem." "Victim" Ashley had a mom who was a friend instead of a mother.

Admissions Guy 2: I'm starting to think that just being near this family is enough to make you a "victim."
Admissions Guy 1: So I'm a victim?
Admissions Guy 2: Only if I get to be an "angel."
Admissions Guy 1: How are you an "angel"?
Admissions Guy 2: Well, I do have ADD. I'm pretty sure that's enough.

"Ex-boyfriend stealer" Helena had acne, and dated Mike Pierce. "Con artist" Ray tried to sue the CamFam, but we never found out what happened with that, and we don't this time either. Paul was retarded; thus, he's an "angel." And lastly, there was "ex-hooker" Christine.

Admissions Guy 1: Is that Tara Lipinski?
Admissions Guy 2: Actually, I think it's Mr. Ed's great-granddaughter.

Ruthie rides a horse in her stick-figure picture. Her list starts off with "chimpanzee" Eisenhower, who, as we see a picture of Eisenhower standing over Ruthie's bed while she lies in it giving him a come-hither stare, "needed a mate."