7th Heaven
Simon’s Home Video (a.k.a. The Kid Is Out Of The Picture)

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Of Camdens

And welcome to a recap of Simon's video application to college. A lot of people in the forums wondered what the California School of the Arts admissions staff thought when they saw Simon's video, and I'm happy to say that I was actually in the room with them while they watched it and recorded their comments, which I shall reveal for you here in a TWoP exclusive.

We begin with a quotation from the Bible (which part, I don't know, as my station's logo covered that corner of the screen), accompanied by what I believe is a Bach piece. I think it's been redone a bit, since Bach didn't, to my knowledge, write songs for Casio keyboards. The quotation fades into a picture of Simon holding a video camera that I'm almost sure was taken during one of those behind the scenes of 7th Heaven shows.

Admissions Guy 1: Who's this clown?
Admissions Guy 2: Shh! I'm trying to admire the post-modernist statement he's making by pointing a camera at us.

Then we get an exterior shot of the CamPound, because no episode of this show will ever be complete without it. There's some sound effects -- a dog that isn't Happy barking, and some children that aren't the twins laughing. We enter the CamPound, and Simon begins his episode-long narration by explaining that his dad is a "Protestant" minister who moved to Glenoak on his first big assignment shortly after marrying Annie. The CamKids have lived in the CamPound for pretty much their whole lives, Simon says, but sometimes it bothers him that the CamPound isn't actually theirs -- it belongs to the church.

Admissions Guy 1: Did he just bitch about how his family doesn't actually own the humongous mansion they've been able to live in, rent-free, for years?
Admissions Guy 2: What an ass.

Simon says he wants to be rich someday, which should happen, as he's known as the Bank of Simon, and then he can buy the house and keep it in the family. I'll bet the minister who would have gotten that place, but now has to settle for living in Lou's basement, will really appreciate that. Simon tells the long version of how he got Happy. We then see a picture of Ruthie in all her six-year-old, curly-haired, gap-toothed glory.

Admissions Guy 2: How does he have a Hispanic sister?
Admissions Guy 1: Adoption.

Simon informs us that he and Ruthie shared a room "for a long time," in a tone that suggests that he wouldn't mind going back to that sleeping arrangement. I know, don't try to think too hard about that one. There's a picture of Simon with that awful bowl-cut he sported for three seasons. He says that he's closest to Ruthie because he's been through a lot with her. This is represented by a picture of the two suffering from what appears to be the Ebola virus, but is probably just what happens when you ask the worst make-up team in the world to create chicken pox. Simon says that Ruthie is saner than his other sisters. He tells us about Lucy, who's married to Kevin (picture of the two on their wedding day) who's a cop (picture of Kevin in uniform).

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7th Heaven




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