Downstairs, SuperMom and Ruthie are feeding the twins when Dopey walks in. SuperMom asks him why he smells like furniture polish, and he nervously replies that he doesn't smell anything. Because they just can't leave a bad joke alone without hammering it mercilessly into the ground, RevCam also asks him why he smells so "lemony fresh." Suddenly the TV turns on. Was it a poltergeist? Because I didn't hear any TV during the rest of this scene. Now, this is going to require a superhuman effort on your part to suspend your disbelief, so I hope you're up to the task. The TV has turned itself on just in time for a special news bulletin on "a decision that has taken the whole community by surprise." With a buildup like that, you'd think said decision would be in reference to an issue that someone might actually care about, but instead they're talking about the basketball team lockout. It's hard to hear what the announcer is saying over Mr. Cate's gales of laughter and my retching. Various Camdens wander in to listen to the end of the Very Important News Bulletin. Everyone stares at Mary for a while, and RevCam says to her, "Hi, how was your day?"
Ruthie convinces Simon to go downstairs to see what's going to happen to Mary now. He claims he's just being supportive. I guess no Camden's day is complete unless some meddling occurs.
Mary is filled with righteous indignation as she tries to drum up some sympathy from the family. Lucy offers, "I'm not sure what the legal precedent is. We've never come across anything like that in 'court' either." Is there anyone on earth who cares about what Lucy and her stupid student court have to say about anything? No, I didn't think so. For once, Mary brings up a good point by worrying about her basketball scholarship. Simon asks why the Coach locked out the team. Everyone stares at Mary expectantly until SuperMom shoos them out of the room. They all look so sad that they won't be able to share in every single moment of one of their sibling's lives. As they're leaving, Simon brings up the furniture-polish joke again. Mary admits to her parents that she heard the coach made his decision because some of the team members' grades were slipping, but she lies and says she doesn't know if she is one of the underachievers in question. SuperMom vows to talk to the coach, and Mary leaves. SuperMom tells RevCam she doesn't think they can afford to send Mary to college without scholarship help. He responds, very ominously, "No, no, we can't." The music swells dramatically in an attempt to make us care whether or not Mary gets to go to college. I'd say the music is fighting a losing battle.