Matt is bending over, searching through a closet in the hallway, when Ruthie comes along and slaps him on the ass. Okay, that's not bizarre or anything. She showcases her belching talents and then asks him, "What does this finger thing mean?" She's about to flip him the bird, but it's hard to tell from my tape if she's actually doing it or not because it goes by so quickly. We're treated to another one of those weirdly edited triple-take reactions from Matt, which gives me hope that the show's creators actually have a sense of humour about themselves. Nah. Matt scoops Ruthie up and carries her down the hall to Simon's room, where he throws her on the bed (okay, it's not like he joins her there or anything) and starts lecturing Simon about The Finger. At first I want to poke Dopey’s eyes out, but he's actually somewhat cool about it, just saying that Simon should have "scoped things out first" before flipping anyone off. Unfortunately, he then launches into a speech about what it means to be a man. I'd always thought being a meddlesome busybody was just an annoying personality flaw, but Matt informs us it's part of being a man. Simon busts on Matt for ruining his childhood and says that the next time he thinks of doing something "fun" like spitting on his friends, said fun will be ruined because Simon will realize that it's stupid. Um, Simon, you're thirteen, and you still think it's fun to spit on your friends? Believe me, Dopey's doing you a favour. Nonetheless, Dopey feels guilty and invites Simon to join him in spending some quality guy time with Dopey's friends. We learn that in the 7th Heaven universe, armpit-farting is known as "honking." Matt criticizes Simon's "honking" technique and leaves the room, "honking" all the way, like the big, stupid moron that he is. I've just about had it with the armpit-farting myself, but the sound effects still crack me up, because they always sound exactly the same, and I'm imagining the sound effects people being told to come up with something that sounds sort of like flatulence but not enough so that the tender sensibilities of the viewers will be offended.
Happy's chat with her agent must not have gone very well, because she's still on the show, looking more dejected than ever.
Annie is asking RevCam if he thinks that she can't understand "guy stuff" because she's not a guy. RevCam goes all Men Are From Mars on her by saying, "Well, guys are wired differently." I wait for him to start talking about his "plumbing" next, but he doesn't get around to that. Instead, he comes up with one of the strangest sentences I have ever heard: "Matt doesn't seem to have suffered because he was raised by a dad and a mom who wasn't a guy, instead of by a dad and a guy." I just don't know what to make of that. Either his last dose of acid is just kicking in or it's a roundabout dig at gay couples who adopt kids. Whatever he means, I'm sure Mike Brady couldn't have phrased it better. The phone rings and SuperMom answers it. I love it when a character takes a ten-second phone call on a television show and then the onscreen actor needs five times as long to relay all the information she allegedly just received over the phone. Who were you talking to anyway, Annie, an auctioneer? No, just Ms. Russell from the high school. We learn that the basketball coach had to take his phone off the hook because of the avalanche of calls he's received (uh-huh, I'm buying that) and that there will be a group meeting to discuss the whole issue the next day. What. Ever. Mary leaves and Dopey comes in, asking to spend the night at the Compound. He needs the peace and quiet to "think." Dude, I'd have thought a brain would be a prerequisite too. But don't let me bring you down, Matty. He mentions that he might be moving back home. The background music lilts playfully to tell us that Mom and Dad are less than thrilled with that particular prospect.