MONDO EXTRAS

Michael Rosenbaum enters the scene on some kind of wagon with a small keg on it. He is being pulled by some faceless women wearing bikinis. I know I always go out and party in style by wearing my beach clothes, so this isn't unusual. You might recognize Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor from Smallville -- but then again, you might not, because his usually shiny baldness is covered by a cap and the worst wig ever. How did this film get a big enough budget to be made, but not big enough to buy Lex a somewhat-realistic looking wig? It looks like the gerbil we saw earlier escaped from his cage and jumped on Rosenbaum's head, and then had a bunch of babies. Anyway, Lex drives onto the scene, whipping the girls along as they pull him. While I might tolerate this misogynistic behavior from, say, Tom Welling (and only because he is the most attractive man alive), I would definitely have kicked Lex in the crotch fifty-seven times by now.

President High-Hair is displeased by this turn of events, and he shrilly complains about Lex and Matt's insubordination. They respond by laughing at him. I find it strange that the frat prez isn't already at the party -- at my school they seem to award the frat presidency to the guy who is the biggest and most popular partier, not the lamest and most responsible. Matt and Lex, whose real character names are Dave and Adam respectively, tell Pres. HH in less eloquent terms that perhaps a round of intercourse with a member of the opposite sex would improve his dour demeanor. He responds by saying "fuck you," which admittedly did sound pretty funny with that high voice of his.

Outside the frat, we are introduced to another character, the president of the campus sorority that all the women who don't get into the cool sororities end up joining in a pathetic last attempt to get friends. That's what I'm guessing, anyway; we only have one sorority on my campus, and they don't even have their own house (because our New England state's blue laws prohibit co-habitation of more than eight women in a single house, for fear that it would lead to a prostitution ring. I don't see this could possibly still be a real law, but the sisters said it was, so I guess I'll believe them), so I didn't have any reason to join. Female companionship be damned! Anyway, the sorority president is wearing glasses and slightly baggy clothes, and her blonde hair has been pulled back into a ponytail, thus making her "dowdy" and "unattractive." She is handing out fliers to all women entering the frat party about how frats preserve antiquated standards of femininity. None of the women she talks to is very receptive. And I wouldn't be either, because I hate being solicited, especially by people who use big words.