7th Heaven
Sorority Boys

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Freaks And Greeks

Suddenly, a big black dildo comes flying through the window. The sisters are shocked and/or confused, as if anyone in college doesn't know by then what a dildo is. The KOK guys cheer. The dildo vibrates. That is a pretty expensive model to just be spending money on as a frivolous joke! Not that I would know the approximate retail price of big black vibrating dildos, but I'm just saying, it looks like a pretty costly apparatus. DOG Prez grabs some tongs from behind the television, which seems like a pretty inconvenient place to put them, and steps on the dildo until it smokes and then picks it up with the tongs. Then she throws it in a bin filled with all the other dildos the frat has sent to them.

It's morning at the KOK house, and Matt is drinking tea and reading something. He walks to a safe and opens it to reveal a lot of money. Lex wakes up in bed with two girls. Good for him, I guess. Oh, yuck -- Harland Williams is lying around in just his underwear. He burps. I wish he weren't in this film. One of Lex's girls tries to make future plans with him, but Lex is noncommittal. The other girl puts her skirt on and leaves the room, only to be faced with a hallway full of frat boys who jeer at her and chant about her taking the Walk of Shame. Ah, yes, the Walk of Shame. I'm not sure if it's better taken in front of a large group of jeering guys or alone, all alone, in the early morning dusk, with only your thoughts of how slutty you just were to keep you company. Or so I've heard. At the end of the hall, one of the frat guys takes her picture with a Polaroid, and how do any of these guys get girls if this is what they do to them afterwards? Why is the girl surprised that this is happening to her when it's already happened to all her sisters at the cool sorority?

While the other girl gets dressed, Lex affixes the Polaroid to his "Hall of Shame," which is filled with pictures of other girls who all look surprised. Again, I don't understand how this could be a shock. At my school, if you're a guy who gets around too much and you treat girls like crap, you get your name written on the bathroom wall and then no one will hook up with you ever again. The other girl jumps out the window to avoid the Walk of Shame; at least she's smart. Except that the window is on the second or third floor, so it probably would have been better if she had just taken the Walk, because now she has broken bones.

The frat boys are having a meeting at which they all have to wear black robes. Does that really happen in frats? I honestly don't know. Some little oily guy is complaining to Lex that Lex always gets fine girls and he doesn't get any. He solicits Lex's advice. Lex's wig looks worse and worse as this movie goes on. Lex tells the oily guy to bring his expected quality down. President HH tries to bring the meeting to order, but no one listens to him until the huge token black frat brother tells them to shut up. President HH thanks him and exposits about the KOKtail Kruise (at least, that's how I'm assuming it's spelled) and how all the KOK alums come to it and give the frat boys jobs -- if the Kruise is good. President HH is concerned that this year's Kruise is "in grave danger." He asks the "social committee" to rise, and what a shock! The social committee is Matt, Lex, and Harland Williams. This is turning into an episode of Saved by the Bell, where the six main characters were the only members of, like, every school club. Except the math club -- that was for those two recurring nerd characters. President HH accuses the social committee of embezzling all the Kruise Kash. Matt says he just checked the safe and all the money was there. The entire frat goes to check, and it turns out that the money is gone! Matt is nonplussed, as usual.

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7th Heaven




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